This is my happy way of life: obeying your commandments. - Psalm 119:56
Philosopher Eric Hoffer wrote, "The search for happiness is one of the chiefsources of unhappiness." Someone else once said, "There are two sources of unhappiness in life. One is not getting what you want. And the other is getting it."
So for many people today who are searching for happiness, the cold hard truth is they will never quite find it. You look at all of these people in Hollywood - with all of the accomplishments, fame, and money - and so many of them live miserable and empty lives. They are searching for happiness in the wrong way. True happiness is always a byproduct of holiness. You get your life right with God and happiness will soon follow.
That is why the nonbeliever will never know true happiness. They will go after the devil's cheap counterfeits, but the counterfeits are shallow, because they possess no deep well from which to draw. The world's concept of happiness is dependent on good things happening. The believers concept of happiness depends on a good God.
Mrs. P
How to be a Wise Guy (and Gal) ... When Falling in Love
Falling in love is a dizzying experience. Once the spark of attraction catches flame, love quickly turns into a raging fire of unreasoned passion. Engulfed by its heat, couples sometimes sacrifice all sound judgment in the interest of bonding their relationship. The Song of Songs says, "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away" (8:7). Love, by its very nature, is extravagant.
We read recently about a man who hired a helicopter to drop 2,500 carnations and 10,000 love letters on the lawn of a woman he loved. Apparently the woman failed to share this man's affection and had him charged with littering. She told reporters "he had lost his mind."
Love really can cause some people to lose their heads. They become "crazy in love." They become compelled by the emotional force of love and forsake their analytical ability. It's a common danger. The compelling emotional force overrides our capacity to think clearly if we let it. That is why Scripture urges us to "be careful, then, how you live-not as unwise, but wise" (Eph. 5:15).
Have you thought much about wisdom -- the ability to reason with insight? You should. It is essential to the success of your relationships. Sure, the emotional side of love is vital, and you will need to stoke the fires of passion over the years, but don't neglect the cool calm of wisdom.
Wisdom is not about saying wise words or doing wise deeds. It is concerned with being, not doing. So how do you cultivate wisdom in marriage? Or, as Job asked, "Where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell?" (28:12). The writer of Proverbs compared searching for wisdom to mining and said, "If you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand" (2:4-5).
After nearly two decades of being married in my life, I am still on an expedition for more wisdom. Daily I seek to avoid being unwise, and have discovered two tools that are essential in my pursuit.
First of all, I have learned that wisdom only comes when humble. As Socrates said, "The wisest man is he who knows his own ignorance." Without humility partners fall victim to pride, and "when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" (Prov. 11:2). Be humble enough to ask for help. Learn how to ask a good question. According to Francis Bacon, "A prudent question is one-half of wisdom."
The second tool for mining wisdom in relationships stems from the first-ask God to share his wisdom with you (see James 1:5). Human wisdom on its own is inadequate (see 1 Cor. 1:19; 1:21; 3:18-19). We need the wisdom that comes from God, for "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Ps. 111:10; see also Prov. 9:10; Matt 12:42, 13:54; Acts 6:3).
So enjoy the dizzying emotions of love when they come, but never neglect the importance of wisdom in your relationships. It is a shared pursuit for soul mates, and it will bless your union.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
We read recently about a man who hired a helicopter to drop 2,500 carnations and 10,000 love letters on the lawn of a woman he loved. Apparently the woman failed to share this man's affection and had him charged with littering. She told reporters "he had lost his mind."
Love really can cause some people to lose their heads. They become "crazy in love." They become compelled by the emotional force of love and forsake their analytical ability. It's a common danger. The compelling emotional force overrides our capacity to think clearly if we let it. That is why Scripture urges us to "be careful, then, how you live-not as unwise, but wise" (Eph. 5:15).
Have you thought much about wisdom -- the ability to reason with insight? You should. It is essential to the success of your relationships. Sure, the emotional side of love is vital, and you will need to stoke the fires of passion over the years, but don't neglect the cool calm of wisdom.
Wisdom is not about saying wise words or doing wise deeds. It is concerned with being, not doing. So how do you cultivate wisdom in marriage? Or, as Job asked, "Where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell?" (28:12). The writer of Proverbs compared searching for wisdom to mining and said, "If you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand" (2:4-5).
After nearly two decades of being married in my life, I am still on an expedition for more wisdom. Daily I seek to avoid being unwise, and have discovered two tools that are essential in my pursuit.
First of all, I have learned that wisdom only comes when humble. As Socrates said, "The wisest man is he who knows his own ignorance." Without humility partners fall victim to pride, and "when pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom" (Prov. 11:2). Be humble enough to ask for help. Learn how to ask a good question. According to Francis Bacon, "A prudent question is one-half of wisdom."
The second tool for mining wisdom in relationships stems from the first-ask God to share his wisdom with you (see James 1:5). Human wisdom on its own is inadequate (see 1 Cor. 1:19; 1:21; 3:18-19). We need the wisdom that comes from God, for "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Ps. 111:10; see also Prov. 9:10; Matt 12:42, 13:54; Acts 6:3).
So enjoy the dizzying emotions of love when they come, but never neglect the importance of wisdom in your relationships. It is a shared pursuit for soul mates, and it will bless your union.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
The Best Part of Snuggling
The sun has just risen outside. Soft pits and pats against the window ... rain ... and I pull the blanket closer, sinking back into the couch. A hot cup of coffee rests at my elbow. It is my favorite time of the day.
In the new morning hour, I think back to other special mornings, nearly 16 years ago. Wrapped in my blue plush robe, rocking back and forth, it was many a quiet new morning sunrises when I would slowly sense the presence of another person. My son, a toddler of three, had padded into the living room, up next to my chair, with his small eyes fixed on me (Mommy loves you Zachery).
Wordlessly, in agreement that the peace of the morning was large enough for both of us, I would open my robe. Knowing what to do, he climbed onto my lap, and I pulled the robe around us, a snuggling of two. In many a early morning, so many years ago, we kept the peace together.
Snuggling ... it's hard to know the best part. Is it the new morning, the quiet, the soft touch of a hand on the shoulder? Is it protection, comfort, acknowledgement, relationship? Safety? Is it the promised assurance between human beings that what happens to you will happen to me because I share your heartbeat?
I was jarred to attention last week. I was asked to consider the first time I ever snuggled, my earliest snuggle of life, and the question brought me up short.
Was it inside the warm white blanket wrapped around me as I was laid into the arms of my mother in the hospital? Or was it later ... close against her as she nursed me, her firstborn? Maybe my father was the first to snuggle me, peering intently, measuring the smallest eyes and lips of a baby ... his ... held in the crook of his arm.
Maybe ... but the magic of science has opened the window on snuggling, and I think it must surely have been weeks, even months before my birth, when I knew I was safe, a knowing of safety available to all living beings even before they can explain it in words.
Surely, weeks before birth, wrapped into a bundle of baby, between my bursts of pushing and kicking against the walls of the womb ... surely there were quiet moments shared with my mother where we snuggled and dreamt. Already at this stage I had fine hair, teeth, and eyelash fringes around eyelids that opened and closed ... and opened again ... for infant eyes that looked around. When she spoke, I knew my mother's voice ... outside ... serenading me as I waited my time.
Certainly, even weeks earlier, when the womb was large enough for me to swim and stretch and turn somersaults, I took time to rest and sleep and snuggle. Inside my mother's quiet belly, worn out from my infant gymnastics, curling my toes, I would have stuck my thumb into my mouth and felt the safety of darkness ... protected and safe.
One thing is certain. I know I snuggled long before I made my first appearance under bright hospital lights. No matter what some want to claim I was back then ... a blob, a mass of cells, an embryo, a fetus ... a product of conception ... I was, without a doubt, a flourishing child of my parents, thriving and growing.
Today, cloaked in a battle of terminology, creating labels devoid of humanity, there are those who wish us to forget that we once snuggled in the womb. They will not have their way with me.
I claim my existence, refusing to be dehumanized at any stage of development. Supported by the miraculous development of four-dimensional ultrasound, doctors and parents can follow the development of babies like me. At eight weeks, I was fully formed, a human of one inch in length, every organ present, with a strong beating heart.
At nine weeks, my fingerprints were already engraved, and my fingers were ready to grasp an object placed in my palm.
At ten weeks, my body was sensitive to touch. I squinted and swallowed. I puckered my brow and frowned.
And then I smiled ... at eleven weeks. And if I could smile, it is certain that I smiled because I felt safe, snuggled inside, nurtured and protected ... my life ahead to be enjoyed and cherished.
So many years later, watching the dawn break outside my living room window, I follow the beads of rain that trickle down the glass. Another beautiful day outside, crisp and damp. The garden will sparkle when the sun breaks through the clouds. I take a sip of coffee and pull the blanket up under my chin.
If there really is a best thing to snuggling, this would have to be it ... revived by thoughts of long ago ... a bundle wrapped together, two of us sharing the morning ... the best thing of all surely being the promised assurance between human beings that what happens to you will happen to me ... because I share your heartbeat.
This is the thought that enters my mind whenever I lay my head upon my love Matthew's chest each night and listen to his heartbeat. It is such a beautiful noise.
This message is dedicated to the many committed educators who are not afraid to teach our children about their earliest days of life inside the womb. May these faithful teachers be encouraged and blessed in their work.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
In the new morning hour, I think back to other special mornings, nearly 16 years ago. Wrapped in my blue plush robe, rocking back and forth, it was many a quiet new morning sunrises when I would slowly sense the presence of another person. My son, a toddler of three, had padded into the living room, up next to my chair, with his small eyes fixed on me (Mommy loves you Zachery).
Wordlessly, in agreement that the peace of the morning was large enough for both of us, I would open my robe. Knowing what to do, he climbed onto my lap, and I pulled the robe around us, a snuggling of two. In many a early morning, so many years ago, we kept the peace together.
Snuggling ... it's hard to know the best part. Is it the new morning, the quiet, the soft touch of a hand on the shoulder? Is it protection, comfort, acknowledgement, relationship? Safety? Is it the promised assurance between human beings that what happens to you will happen to me because I share your heartbeat?
I was jarred to attention last week. I was asked to consider the first time I ever snuggled, my earliest snuggle of life, and the question brought me up short.
Was it inside the warm white blanket wrapped around me as I was laid into the arms of my mother in the hospital? Or was it later ... close against her as she nursed me, her firstborn? Maybe my father was the first to snuggle me, peering intently, measuring the smallest eyes and lips of a baby ... his ... held in the crook of his arm.
Maybe ... but the magic of science has opened the window on snuggling, and I think it must surely have been weeks, even months before my birth, when I knew I was safe, a knowing of safety available to all living beings even before they can explain it in words.
Surely, weeks before birth, wrapped into a bundle of baby, between my bursts of pushing and kicking against the walls of the womb ... surely there were quiet moments shared with my mother where we snuggled and dreamt. Already at this stage I had fine hair, teeth, and eyelash fringes around eyelids that opened and closed ... and opened again ... for infant eyes that looked around. When she spoke, I knew my mother's voice ... outside ... serenading me as I waited my time.
Certainly, even weeks earlier, when the womb was large enough for me to swim and stretch and turn somersaults, I took time to rest and sleep and snuggle. Inside my mother's quiet belly, worn out from my infant gymnastics, curling my toes, I would have stuck my thumb into my mouth and felt the safety of darkness ... protected and safe.
One thing is certain. I know I snuggled long before I made my first appearance under bright hospital lights. No matter what some want to claim I was back then ... a blob, a mass of cells, an embryo, a fetus ... a product of conception ... I was, without a doubt, a flourishing child of my parents, thriving and growing.
Today, cloaked in a battle of terminology, creating labels devoid of humanity, there are those who wish us to forget that we once snuggled in the womb. They will not have their way with me.
I claim my existence, refusing to be dehumanized at any stage of development. Supported by the miraculous development of four-dimensional ultrasound, doctors and parents can follow the development of babies like me. At eight weeks, I was fully formed, a human of one inch in length, every organ present, with a strong beating heart.
At nine weeks, my fingerprints were already engraved, and my fingers were ready to grasp an object placed in my palm.
At ten weeks, my body was sensitive to touch. I squinted and swallowed. I puckered my brow and frowned.
And then I smiled ... at eleven weeks. And if I could smile, it is certain that I smiled because I felt safe, snuggled inside, nurtured and protected ... my life ahead to be enjoyed and cherished.
So many years later, watching the dawn break outside my living room window, I follow the beads of rain that trickle down the glass. Another beautiful day outside, crisp and damp. The garden will sparkle when the sun breaks through the clouds. I take a sip of coffee and pull the blanket up under my chin.
If there really is a best thing to snuggling, this would have to be it ... revived by thoughts of long ago ... a bundle wrapped together, two of us sharing the morning ... the best thing of all surely being the promised assurance between human beings that what happens to you will happen to me ... because I share your heartbeat.
This is the thought that enters my mind whenever I lay my head upon my love Matthew's chest each night and listen to his heartbeat. It is such a beautiful noise.
This message is dedicated to the many committed educators who are not afraid to teach our children about their earliest days of life inside the womb. May these faithful teachers be encouraged and blessed in their work.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
Seek Me with Your Whole Heart
"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13).
God promised, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). This is more than a casual glance before heading off to work or to the carpool in the morning. It's more than a hit and run encounter with God. He desires to speak to us through the pages of our Bibles and it requires meditating and seeking God with our whole hearts.
Jesus told His followers, "If you abide in my Word then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). Abide means to continue in, to tarry, to dwell, to remain. It is not reading the Scripture for information, but for transformation. Many scholars have read the Bible for information, but have never entered into a relationship with God. This reminds me of the difference between the woman who memorizes a menu at a restaurant and a woman who enjoys the food. Only one gets fed!
Let me ask you, who can describe a sunset more accurately - a blind person who has read all about sunsets (what causes the colors, the time of day they occur, the effect of clouds on the hues) or the person who had seen and experienced the vibrant oranges, blues, pinks and purples painted across the sky as the sun creeps below the horizon and the rays play peek-a-boo behind the scattered clouds? I dare say the one who has experience the sunset for herself. When we study God's Word and couple that truth with listening to His voice, we will come to know Him on a much more intimate level than a Biblical scholar who has studied the words on the page but never taken the time to converse with the Author Himself.
Food for thought...
Mrs. P
God promised, "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart" (Jeremiah 29:13). This is more than a casual glance before heading off to work or to the carpool in the morning. It's more than a hit and run encounter with God. He desires to speak to us through the pages of our Bibles and it requires meditating and seeking God with our whole hearts.
Jesus told His followers, "If you abide in my Word then you are truly disciples of Mine; and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free" (John 8:32). Abide means to continue in, to tarry, to dwell, to remain. It is not reading the Scripture for information, but for transformation. Many scholars have read the Bible for information, but have never entered into a relationship with God. This reminds me of the difference between the woman who memorizes a menu at a restaurant and a woman who enjoys the food. Only one gets fed!
Let me ask you, who can describe a sunset more accurately - a blind person who has read all about sunsets (what causes the colors, the time of day they occur, the effect of clouds on the hues) or the person who had seen and experienced the vibrant oranges, blues, pinks and purples painted across the sky as the sun creeps below the horizon and the rays play peek-a-boo behind the scattered clouds? I dare say the one who has experience the sunset for herself. When we study God's Word and couple that truth with listening to His voice, we will come to know Him on a much more intimate level than a Biblical scholar who has studied the words on the page but never taken the time to converse with the Author Himself.
Food for thought...
Mrs. P
THE GREAT ETERNAL CONSTANT
1 John 3:1
See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God
Have you ever felt that God is ready to give up on you because, instead of walking confidently in faith, you sometimes stumble and fall? Do you ever fear that there is a limit to God's tolerance of your failure and that you are walking dangerously near that outer barrier or have already crossed it?
I have met a lot of beleivers like that. They think that God is upset with them, that He is ready to dump them, or that He has already given up on them because their daily performance is less than perfect.
It's true that the walk of faith can sometimes be interrupted by moments of personal unbelief or rebellion, or even satanic deception. It's during those moments when we think that God has surely lost His patience with us and is ready to give up on us. The temptation is to give up, stop walking by faith altogether, slump dejectedly by the side of the road, and wonder, "What's the use?" We feel defeated, God's work for us is suspended, and Satan is elated.
The primary truth you need to know about God in order for your faith to remain strong is that His love and acceptance is unconditional. When your walk of faith is strong, God loves you. When your walk of faith is weak, God loves you. When you're strong one moment and weak the next, strong one day and weak the next, God loves you. God's love for you is the great eternal constant in the midst of all the inconsistencies of your daily walk.
God wants us to do good, of course. The apostle John wrote: "I write this to you so that you will not sin" (1 John 2:1 NIV ). But John continued by reminding us that God has already made provision for our failure so His love continues constant in spite of what we do: "But if anybody does sin, we have One who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world" (verses 1, 2 NIV ).
Mrs. P.
See how great a love the Father has bestowed upon us, that we should be called children of God
Have you ever felt that God is ready to give up on you because, instead of walking confidently in faith, you sometimes stumble and fall? Do you ever fear that there is a limit to God's tolerance of your failure and that you are walking dangerously near that outer barrier or have already crossed it?
I have met a lot of beleivers like that. They think that God is upset with them, that He is ready to dump them, or that He has already given up on them because their daily performance is less than perfect.
It's true that the walk of faith can sometimes be interrupted by moments of personal unbelief or rebellion, or even satanic deception. It's during those moments when we think that God has surely lost His patience with us and is ready to give up on us. The temptation is to give up, stop walking by faith altogether, slump dejectedly by the side of the road, and wonder, "What's the use?" We feel defeated, God's work for us is suspended, and Satan is elated.
The primary truth you need to know about God in order for your faith to remain strong is that His love and acceptance is unconditional. When your walk of faith is strong, God loves you. When your walk of faith is weak, God loves you. When you're strong one moment and weak the next, strong one day and weak the next, God loves you. God's love for you is the great eternal constant in the midst of all the inconsistencies of your daily walk.
God wants us to do good, of course. The apostle John wrote: "I write this to you so that you will not sin" (1 John 2:1 NIV ). But John continued by reminding us that God has already made provision for our failure so His love continues constant in spite of what we do: "But if anybody does sin, we have One who speaks to the Father in our defense--Jesus, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world" (verses 1, 2 NIV ).
Mrs. P.
Lighten Up
"If you can find humor in anything," according to Bill Cosby, "you can survive it." Researchers agree. Studies reveal that individuals who have a strong sense of humor are less likely to experience depression and other forms of mood disturbance than those without it.
Humor helps us cope-not just with the trivial, but with the tragic. Martin Grotjuan, author of "Beyond Laughter," notes that "to have a sense of humor is to have an understanding of human suffering." Charlie Chaplin could have said the same thing. Chaplin grew up in the poorest section of London. His mother suffered from serious mental illness and his father died of alcoholism when Charlie was just five. Laughter was Chaplin's tool for coping with life's losses.
Relationships benefit greatly from humor. Laughter has important psychological effects on partners. The French Philosopher Voltaire wrote, "The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature curesthe disease." Modern research indicates that people who have a sense of humor have fewer symptoms of physical illness than those who are less humorous.
This idea, however, is not new. Since King Solomon's time, people have known about and applied the healing benefits of humor. Proverbs 17:22 tells us "A cheerful heart is good medicine."
Putting these findings into action in the context of dating and maintaining a long-term relationship, it is important to schedule regular time with your partner to laugh, to lift each other's spirits, and to love. These "date nights" have the power to stimulate minds, rekindle romance, and put you at ease with your partner during the remainder of the week. In order to evaluate the role humor plays in your relationships, it may be advantageous to ask yourself the following questions:
1) Jesus was accused by some of enjoying life too much. In your opinion, how does his life model humor and fun?
2) What things make you laugh?
3) Think of an example of a time when your partner's sense of humor lifted you out of a dark mood or a worried frame of mind.
4) What can you do this week to lighten up?
In fact, the Bible as a whole reminds us again and again of the "sounds of joy and gladness" (Jer. 7:34). The book of Proverbs says that "the cheerful heart has a continuous feast (15:15). The psalmist sings, "Our mouths were filled with laughter" (126:2). Isaiah exults, "Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth" (49:13). Jesus told his disciples that, after he left them, "your grief will turn to joy ...and no one will take away your joy" (John 16:20, 22). The apostle Peter confirms that the Christians to whom he is writing "are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" (1 Peter 1:8).
So it is not surprising that humor is good for your relationships. To paraphrase the 19th-century minister Henry Ward Beecher, a marriage without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every bump in the road. Do yourself a favor. Smooth out the bumpy times with a little laughter.
Mrs. P
Humor helps us cope-not just with the trivial, but with the tragic. Martin Grotjuan, author of "Beyond Laughter," notes that "to have a sense of humor is to have an understanding of human suffering." Charlie Chaplin could have said the same thing. Chaplin grew up in the poorest section of London. His mother suffered from serious mental illness and his father died of alcoholism when Charlie was just five. Laughter was Chaplin's tool for coping with life's losses.
Relationships benefit greatly from humor. Laughter has important psychological effects on partners. The French Philosopher Voltaire wrote, "The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature curesthe disease." Modern research indicates that people who have a sense of humor have fewer symptoms of physical illness than those who are less humorous.
This idea, however, is not new. Since King Solomon's time, people have known about and applied the healing benefits of humor. Proverbs 17:22 tells us "A cheerful heart is good medicine."
Putting these findings into action in the context of dating and maintaining a long-term relationship, it is important to schedule regular time with your partner to laugh, to lift each other's spirits, and to love. These "date nights" have the power to stimulate minds, rekindle romance, and put you at ease with your partner during the remainder of the week. In order to evaluate the role humor plays in your relationships, it may be advantageous to ask yourself the following questions:
1) Jesus was accused by some of enjoying life too much. In your opinion, how does his life model humor and fun?
2) What things make you laugh?
3) Think of an example of a time when your partner's sense of humor lifted you out of a dark mood or a worried frame of mind.
4) What can you do this week to lighten up?
In fact, the Bible as a whole reminds us again and again of the "sounds of joy and gladness" (Jer. 7:34). The book of Proverbs says that "the cheerful heart has a continuous feast (15:15). The psalmist sings, "Our mouths were filled with laughter" (126:2). Isaiah exults, "Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth" (49:13). Jesus told his disciples that, after he left them, "your grief will turn to joy ...and no one will take away your joy" (John 16:20, 22). The apostle Peter confirms that the Christians to whom he is writing "are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy" (1 Peter 1:8).
So it is not surprising that humor is good for your relationships. To paraphrase the 19th-century minister Henry Ward Beecher, a marriage without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs, jolted by every bump in the road. Do yourself a favor. Smooth out the bumpy times with a little laughter.
Mrs. P
Lasting Relationships and Your Future
If you've ever wanted motivation to work on your semi-serious relationship, here's one:
Experts say that people who are able to sustain lasting relationships before they marry stay married longer and are more likely to be married for life than those whose pre-marital relationships don't last very long.
That means that by working on your current relationship, even if you don't end up marrying the person, you are contributing to the success of your future marriage.
Relationships aren't always easy. In the beginning, the level of passion and excitement you feel for the other person drowns out the things that aren't so desirable. You are so excited about being around him that you quickly forget about his annoying humming and the fact that he disagrees with you politically. But, as with all relationships, the new eventually wears off and what didn't bother you before becomes a major annoyance or issue.
The change is due to the ever increasing intimacy between the two of you. The more you are around each other, the more the "little things" began bothering you. This isn't all bad. It means that you care.
When something on TV annoys you, you simply turn the channel because you have no commitment or intimacy to the channel or the person annoying you on the screen. But when you have even small levels of commitment and intimacy you have greater potential to become disturbed by some of the other person's actions because they are a major part of your life.
Expect It
I'm telling you all this so that you can expect annoyances and issues to make your relationship less effortless and natural than it was in its beginning. That's not the time to quit. Not only does a human being deserve more from you (and you from another), but you need to "practice" the commitment levels that will be necessary in a marriage.
If you break the relationship off at the first sign of conflict you have hurt yourself in two ways:
1. You might have married this person if you had weathered the difficult days and come out even closer to each other than before the trouble began.
2. You didn't allow yourself to learn how to function in a relationship that was experiencing difficulty. When you marry, there will be times of difficulty, arguments, hurt feelings, annoying habits and anger. If you canceled a pre-marriage relationship because it wasn't all "smooth sailing," it will be much more difficult on you when you actually marry and experience friction.
Know When to Fold 'Em
I'm certainly not saying that any relationship should be forced. A person can only stand so much before enough becomes enough. However, I am saying that one of the best indicators of who will make a "good spouse" might be how he or she reacts to conflict in your relationship. If she can't handle a little conflict before marriage, it will be difficult for her to handle it when you're married.
If anything else, consider conflict as a personal challenge. Not a reason to call off your relationship, but an opportunity to test your ability to stay committed despite difficult times. Some will handle this better than others.
If you notice a constant pattern of conflict, it might help you decide against continuing your relationship. But the bottom line is, don't give up at the first sign of conflict so that you'll have some experience when it happens in future relationships and so that you don't ditch "Mr. (or Mrs.) Right" because you had a few wrong days.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
Experts say that people who are able to sustain lasting relationships before they marry stay married longer and are more likely to be married for life than those whose pre-marital relationships don't last very long.
That means that by working on your current relationship, even if you don't end up marrying the person, you are contributing to the success of your future marriage.
Relationships aren't always easy. In the beginning, the level of passion and excitement you feel for the other person drowns out the things that aren't so desirable. You are so excited about being around him that you quickly forget about his annoying humming and the fact that he disagrees with you politically. But, as with all relationships, the new eventually wears off and what didn't bother you before becomes a major annoyance or issue.
The change is due to the ever increasing intimacy between the two of you. The more you are around each other, the more the "little things" began bothering you. This isn't all bad. It means that you care.
When something on TV annoys you, you simply turn the channel because you have no commitment or intimacy to the channel or the person annoying you on the screen. But when you have even small levels of commitment and intimacy you have greater potential to become disturbed by some of the other person's actions because they are a major part of your life.
Expect It
I'm telling you all this so that you can expect annoyances and issues to make your relationship less effortless and natural than it was in its beginning. That's not the time to quit. Not only does a human being deserve more from you (and you from another), but you need to "practice" the commitment levels that will be necessary in a marriage.
If you break the relationship off at the first sign of conflict you have hurt yourself in two ways:
1. You might have married this person if you had weathered the difficult days and come out even closer to each other than before the trouble began.
2. You didn't allow yourself to learn how to function in a relationship that was experiencing difficulty. When you marry, there will be times of difficulty, arguments, hurt feelings, annoying habits and anger. If you canceled a pre-marriage relationship because it wasn't all "smooth sailing," it will be much more difficult on you when you actually marry and experience friction.
Know When to Fold 'Em
I'm certainly not saying that any relationship should be forced. A person can only stand so much before enough becomes enough. However, I am saying that one of the best indicators of who will make a "good spouse" might be how he or she reacts to conflict in your relationship. If she can't handle a little conflict before marriage, it will be difficult for her to handle it when you're married.
If anything else, consider conflict as a personal challenge. Not a reason to call off your relationship, but an opportunity to test your ability to stay committed despite difficult times. Some will handle this better than others.
If you notice a constant pattern of conflict, it might help you decide against continuing your relationship. But the bottom line is, don't give up at the first sign of conflict so that you'll have some experience when it happens in future relationships and so that you don't ditch "Mr. (or Mrs.) Right" because you had a few wrong days.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
Is There a Snake in Your Life?
"He reveals the deep and secret things; he knows what is in the darkness and the light dwells with him." Daniel 2:22 (NIV)
Everyone has pain in their lives, some more than others. There are many kinds of pain. Physical pain can come and go but emotional pain seems to hang on forever. It can be so personal, will consume your life and permeate every thing you do. Getting rid of pain is not easy and often demands a long arduous journey of years. Dealing with pain can be especially difficult if someone in your past robbed you of your trust, your joy or the innocence of childhood.
Many people are in the habit of carrying around the pain from their past. They walk, not in the light of the promises of God, but in the shadows of a dark room where reflections are scary and the light eludes them. I was one of those people for many years. I lived with a "snake" in my life. One I hated. Instead of turning the light on to find the snake and kill it, I was constantly running as fast as I could, trying to stay in front of it. I knew in my heart that God was big enough to handle the snake but I seemed to have forged an unhealthy friendship with it that I was not willing to give up.
In searching for a way to rid myself of the snake, I learned some things. First, there is no simple or magical cure for resolving past hurts, but there is a pathway toward restoration. Forgiving and forgetting is a great thing to do - if you can - but not always the answer. Remembering and choosing to forgive will always bring honor, maturity and a certain peace to your life. Pain from the past will always find a way to creep into daily life. We have to find a way to deal with it.
We should raise our wounded spirit up to the Father. He will hear our cry.
Too many times, we condemn ourselves by thinking "A spiritual person should not feel that way." We back away from God instead of running toward him. Then we don't understand that the hurts of the past are blocking a vital fellowship with God. Problems do not just go away if we ignore them. They soon consume our lives. Constantly raise your prayers to the "keeper" of promises. As the old Gospel song says, "Have a little talk with Jesus and tell him all about your troubles".
We need to seek help in repairing any broken or shattered relationships. God commands us to do so.
Repair is a descriptive word meaning to "walk in or around, to close up, hedge or enclose." When we are wounded, we need to have a hedge about us and be sheltered or nurtured within a protective environment. It's like cleaning a wound and then putting a bandage on it for protection. We can find that hedge by seeking godly counsel and surrounding ourselves with friends and family who care about us. Sometimes the wound is closed on the outside but infection remains on the inside. It will always bother us, just like a snake in a dark room, until we examine the problem, put it on the table and take a close look at it. The truth will free us from the problem. Circumstances may not change but our attitude will.
We can have restoration. Restoration means to rescue, retrieve or to bring back home.
When we are badly hurt, we are badly in need of restoration. We must be brought home again. But our wounds keep us bound and immobilized. We can be restored again if we return to the One who is able to restore and heal from the inside out.
If you have a snake in your life, consider your needs carefully and make yourself available to the Holy Spirit for his restorative work. Raise your problems to God by falling on your knees. Ask the Holy Spirit to build a hedge of protection around you to do a healing work in your life. Then be open to the restoration.
Ask for God's enlightenment to penetrate the dark areas of your hurt. It is only through this exposure that you can truly begin to face what has happened in your past and move on through the healing process. The key to restoration is you. Will you allow the "snake" to run rampant in your life, or will you step out in healing faith.
If you are serious about release and peace, you must first recognize the fact that you have a problem. Then raise it up to God - find a way to repair the hurt caused by others - giving it all to God. Trust him to repair the hurt and restore you to a free and loving relationship with Him. He is waiting on you to come.
Lady G
Everyone has pain in their lives, some more than others. There are many kinds of pain. Physical pain can come and go but emotional pain seems to hang on forever. It can be so personal, will consume your life and permeate every thing you do. Getting rid of pain is not easy and often demands a long arduous journey of years. Dealing with pain can be especially difficult if someone in your past robbed you of your trust, your joy or the innocence of childhood.
Many people are in the habit of carrying around the pain from their past. They walk, not in the light of the promises of God, but in the shadows of a dark room where reflections are scary and the light eludes them. I was one of those people for many years. I lived with a "snake" in my life. One I hated. Instead of turning the light on to find the snake and kill it, I was constantly running as fast as I could, trying to stay in front of it. I knew in my heart that God was big enough to handle the snake but I seemed to have forged an unhealthy friendship with it that I was not willing to give up.
In searching for a way to rid myself of the snake, I learned some things. First, there is no simple or magical cure for resolving past hurts, but there is a pathway toward restoration. Forgiving and forgetting is a great thing to do - if you can - but not always the answer. Remembering and choosing to forgive will always bring honor, maturity and a certain peace to your life. Pain from the past will always find a way to creep into daily life. We have to find a way to deal with it.
We should raise our wounded spirit up to the Father. He will hear our cry.
Too many times, we condemn ourselves by thinking "A spiritual person should not feel that way." We back away from God instead of running toward him. Then we don't understand that the hurts of the past are blocking a vital fellowship with God. Problems do not just go away if we ignore them. They soon consume our lives. Constantly raise your prayers to the "keeper" of promises. As the old Gospel song says, "Have a little talk with Jesus and tell him all about your troubles".
We need to seek help in repairing any broken or shattered relationships. God commands us to do so.
Repair is a descriptive word meaning to "walk in or around, to close up, hedge or enclose." When we are wounded, we need to have a hedge about us and be sheltered or nurtured within a protective environment. It's like cleaning a wound and then putting a bandage on it for protection. We can find that hedge by seeking godly counsel and surrounding ourselves with friends and family who care about us. Sometimes the wound is closed on the outside but infection remains on the inside. It will always bother us, just like a snake in a dark room, until we examine the problem, put it on the table and take a close look at it. The truth will free us from the problem. Circumstances may not change but our attitude will.
We can have restoration. Restoration means to rescue, retrieve or to bring back home.
When we are badly hurt, we are badly in need of restoration. We must be brought home again. But our wounds keep us bound and immobilized. We can be restored again if we return to the One who is able to restore and heal from the inside out.
If you have a snake in your life, consider your needs carefully and make yourself available to the Holy Spirit for his restorative work. Raise your problems to God by falling on your knees. Ask the Holy Spirit to build a hedge of protection around you to do a healing work in your life. Then be open to the restoration.
Ask for God's enlightenment to penetrate the dark areas of your hurt. It is only through this exposure that you can truly begin to face what has happened in your past and move on through the healing process. The key to restoration is you. Will you allow the "snake" to run rampant in your life, or will you step out in healing faith.
If you are serious about release and peace, you must first recognize the fact that you have a problem. Then raise it up to God - find a way to repair the hurt caused by others - giving it all to God. Trust him to repair the hurt and restore you to a free and loving relationship with Him. He is waiting on you to come.
Lady G
The Antidote to Stress in an Age of Anxiety
As a small child, there were three things I thought I would never master: Chewing with my mouth shut, sitting with my knees together, and being certain of whether the arrow in math class pointing to the right meant "greater than" or "less than."
Chewing with my mouth shut became a lot easier once all my permanent teeth arrived. Today, I am a reasonably polite dinner partner, providing there are no cherry tomatoes in the salad. And sitting lady-like in a dress became easier once my pudgy little legs began to grow and my feet could finally touch the floor.
I have also come to effortlessly recognize that the caret pointed to the right, ›, means "greater than." It's such a handy symbol that I've adopted it into my note-taking. The list of things I have to do by Friday is › the time I have to do them in. The number of calories I have taken in today is › the number of calories I have burned.
Despite such flawless mastery, the › symbol continues to deal me fits. Let me explain.
For generations, Greek men traditionally carried worry beads in their pockets. These were small, colorful beads on a string, or precious gemstones strung on a chain. When confronted with a problem, a disconcerting surprise, or particularly unwelcome news, men would stroke their beards with one hand and finger worry beads with the other. Over time, the worry beads would become worn and smooth, or in the case of easily agitated men with an extremely low tolerance for stress, completely worn out.
The concept of worry beads is appealing. But being that I am not Greek, male, or heavily bearded presents certain limitations. Actually, the main problem is that I am female, which means I can't depend on my pants having pockets in which to carry worry beads.
The contemporary American counterpart to worry beads would be stress balls, those squishy plastic balls that look like miniature porcupines without heads. Another fine coping technique to be sure, but a little too obvious. Bouncing a stress ball from palm to palm in public doesn't exactly give off a "You-can-count-on-me-I'm-a-dependable-sort" kind of message. It gives off more of a "I-just-escaped-two-days-ago-and-they-are-looking-for-me-as-we-speak" kind of air.
As a compromise, I've tried to imagine I have one of those greater than ( ›) math signs in my pocket. An invisible reminder that, in spite of all the worries and dilemmas of everyday life, God is greater than . . .
But, try as I might, I easily forget. I forget that God is greater than the insurance premium for my family to have medical insurance. I forget that God is greater than that chirping sound the refrigerator is making. I fail to remember that He is greater than this morning's heated argument with the better half. I outright panic when I loose sight that God is greater than diabetes, cancer, or Alzheimer's.
As Americans, our lives have never been easier, yet stress has never been more epidemic. Speculation abounds that life in the fast lane is paving the way for the Age of Melancholy. The World Health Organization calculates that depression is on the way to becoming the world's second-most disabling disease in the next decade.
Today, we have a virtual smorgasbord of depression: adult depression, adolescent depression, holiday depression, seasonal light-deprivation depression, post-partum depression and senior citizen depression. We're so depressed that even our dogs are depressed.
Abe Lincoln used the phrase "black dog" to describe his on-going struggle with stress and depression. Shakespeare wrote that hope is sometimes the only medicine that the miserable have. In recent years, many members of the medical community have given Shakespeare a mighty "Amen."
Several years ago, 1,000 doctors, nurses, and other health professionals worldwide registered for the first of its kind event at the Harvard Medical School -- a conference designed to teach the value of prayer and other spiritual pursuits as healing tools. One of the event organizers and professors involved with the event said that some spiritual influences are "the mental equivalent of nuclear energy."
Hundreds of studies have found that hope and faith can cause specific physiological changes that resemble relaxation.
The greatest thing about these findings -- in a world where treating stress has become a national past time, a daytime talk show obsession, and a billion-dollar industry -- is that these treatments are absolutely free. No appointment needed, no special training required, no therapy advised. Sometimes the cure for stress can be as simple as finding a quiet corner, opening an inspirational book, reflecting on the good things in life, or bringing to mind that little mathematical symbol, › and remembering that God is greater than.
Lady G
Chewing with my mouth shut became a lot easier once all my permanent teeth arrived. Today, I am a reasonably polite dinner partner, providing there are no cherry tomatoes in the salad. And sitting lady-like in a dress became easier once my pudgy little legs began to grow and my feet could finally touch the floor.
I have also come to effortlessly recognize that the caret pointed to the right, ›, means "greater than." It's such a handy symbol that I've adopted it into my note-taking. The list of things I have to do by Friday is › the time I have to do them in. The number of calories I have taken in today is › the number of calories I have burned.
Despite such flawless mastery, the › symbol continues to deal me fits. Let me explain.
For generations, Greek men traditionally carried worry beads in their pockets. These were small, colorful beads on a string, or precious gemstones strung on a chain. When confronted with a problem, a disconcerting surprise, or particularly unwelcome news, men would stroke their beards with one hand and finger worry beads with the other. Over time, the worry beads would become worn and smooth, or in the case of easily agitated men with an extremely low tolerance for stress, completely worn out.
The concept of worry beads is appealing. But being that I am not Greek, male, or heavily bearded presents certain limitations. Actually, the main problem is that I am female, which means I can't depend on my pants having pockets in which to carry worry beads.
The contemporary American counterpart to worry beads would be stress balls, those squishy plastic balls that look like miniature porcupines without heads. Another fine coping technique to be sure, but a little too obvious. Bouncing a stress ball from palm to palm in public doesn't exactly give off a "You-can-count-on-me-I'm-a-dependable-sort" kind of message. It gives off more of a "I-just-escaped-two-days-ago-and-they-are-looking-for-me-as-we-speak" kind of air.
As a compromise, I've tried to imagine I have one of those greater than ( ›) math signs in my pocket. An invisible reminder that, in spite of all the worries and dilemmas of everyday life, God is greater than . . .
But, try as I might, I easily forget. I forget that God is greater than the insurance premium for my family to have medical insurance. I forget that God is greater than that chirping sound the refrigerator is making. I fail to remember that He is greater than this morning's heated argument with the better half. I outright panic when I loose sight that God is greater than diabetes, cancer, or Alzheimer's.
As Americans, our lives have never been easier, yet stress has never been more epidemic. Speculation abounds that life in the fast lane is paving the way for the Age of Melancholy. The World Health Organization calculates that depression is on the way to becoming the world's second-most disabling disease in the next decade.
Today, we have a virtual smorgasbord of depression: adult depression, adolescent depression, holiday depression, seasonal light-deprivation depression, post-partum depression and senior citizen depression. We're so depressed that even our dogs are depressed.
Abe Lincoln used the phrase "black dog" to describe his on-going struggle with stress and depression. Shakespeare wrote that hope is sometimes the only medicine that the miserable have. In recent years, many members of the medical community have given Shakespeare a mighty "Amen."
Several years ago, 1,000 doctors, nurses, and other health professionals worldwide registered for the first of its kind event at the Harvard Medical School -- a conference designed to teach the value of prayer and other spiritual pursuits as healing tools. One of the event organizers and professors involved with the event said that some spiritual influences are "the mental equivalent of nuclear energy."
Hundreds of studies have found that hope and faith can cause specific physiological changes that resemble relaxation.
The greatest thing about these findings -- in a world where treating stress has become a national past time, a daytime talk show obsession, and a billion-dollar industry -- is that these treatments are absolutely free. No appointment needed, no special training required, no therapy advised. Sometimes the cure for stress can be as simple as finding a quiet corner, opening an inspirational book, reflecting on the good things in life, or bringing to mind that little mathematical symbol, › and remembering that God is greater than.
Lady G
Examining The Parables of Job
What does this mean to you?
Oh that I were "as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me; When his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked through darkness; As I was in the days of my youth, when the secret of God was upon my tabernacle; When the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were about me; When I washed my steps with butter, and the rock poured me out rivers of oil; When I went out the gate through the city, when I prepared my seat in the street!
When I asked my 11 year old daughter what she thought this meant she replied, "This means that you would do anything for God; I'm not sure since I'm a kid but I think it means that he will guide your path."
It is my thought that Job felt abondoned by God, and utterly crippled by the loss of his youngest and most gloriously lived years. It was during this time when Job felt God's presence, and saw God's light surrounding him. There was a time when Job felt safe, empowered by the truth of God's word, loved, blessed and admired by others.
Anyone who seeks the truth of God's word, and who seeks a relationship with God will find it. How a person feels when they are in the presence of God is life changing to say the least. One can be so filled with the Holy Spirit that they forget that they live in a world that is both volatile and unpredictable. So when tragedy occurs, they are left feeling shocked and tormented.
It was quite a testimonial when Job said, "When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave wittness to me; Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him. The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgement was as a robe and a diadem. I was eyes to the blind, and feet I was to the lame. I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out."
In reflecting back on my 11 year old daughter's statement, it would seem that God was truly guiding Job, and that Job was in fact "willing to do anything for God." Yet Job did not describe himself as a righteous man, but rather a man who exhibited this characteristic by his good deeds. Furthermore, Job did not feel that God would listen to him, or bless him if he did not seek to serve God in all things. Only, it was the Holy Spirit in Job that was compelled to do God's good works, and Job truly was a righteous man from the inside out.
There have been many moments throughout my life when I felt I could relate to Job, as I called out to God as if I could not find him. We all feel lost sometimes, and we all do our best to see ourselves through God's eyes. However, we live in a world that constantly reflects our greatest pains and our deepest sorrows. When we are hurt we naturally slap our hands over our wounds so that the Lord cannot heal them, and then we ask, "why am I still broken"? Simply answered, the Lord cannot heal what he cannot reach, he cannot make an impact if he cannot make contact. You have to make salt and be a light.
Please share your thoughts on Job...
Lady G
Oh that I were "as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me; When his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked through darkness; As I was in the days of my youth, when the secret of God was upon my tabernacle; When the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were about me; When I washed my steps with butter, and the rock poured me out rivers of oil; When I went out the gate through the city, when I prepared my seat in the street!
When I asked my 11 year old daughter what she thought this meant she replied, "This means that you would do anything for God; I'm not sure since I'm a kid but I think it means that he will guide your path."
It is my thought that Job felt abondoned by God, and utterly crippled by the loss of his youngest and most gloriously lived years. It was during this time when Job felt God's presence, and saw God's light surrounding him. There was a time when Job felt safe, empowered by the truth of God's word, loved, blessed and admired by others.
Anyone who seeks the truth of God's word, and who seeks a relationship with God will find it. How a person feels when they are in the presence of God is life changing to say the least. One can be so filled with the Holy Spirit that they forget that they live in a world that is both volatile and unpredictable. So when tragedy occurs, they are left feeling shocked and tormented.
It was quite a testimonial when Job said, "When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave wittness to me; Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him. The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy. I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgement was as a robe and a diadem. I was eyes to the blind, and feet I was to the lame. I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out."
In reflecting back on my 11 year old daughter's statement, it would seem that God was truly guiding Job, and that Job was in fact "willing to do anything for God." Yet Job did not describe himself as a righteous man, but rather a man who exhibited this characteristic by his good deeds. Furthermore, Job did not feel that God would listen to him, or bless him if he did not seek to serve God in all things. Only, it was the Holy Spirit in Job that was compelled to do God's good works, and Job truly was a righteous man from the inside out.
There have been many moments throughout my life when I felt I could relate to Job, as I called out to God as if I could not find him. We all feel lost sometimes, and we all do our best to see ourselves through God's eyes. However, we live in a world that constantly reflects our greatest pains and our deepest sorrows. When we are hurt we naturally slap our hands over our wounds so that the Lord cannot heal them, and then we ask, "why am I still broken"? Simply answered, the Lord cannot heal what he cannot reach, he cannot make an impact if he cannot make contact. You have to make salt and be a light.
Please share your thoughts on Job...
Lady G
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