You don't have to be a spiritual giant like a theologian, Bible scholar, or prayer warrior to get close to God. He's willing to meet you wherever are - even smack in the middle of a life filled with flaws and mistakes. Your life may seem ordinary to you, but God's love for you is extraordinary. He loves you deeply, no matter what weaknesses you may have.
Here are some ways you can grow closer to God even if you're fumbling through life:
Focus on what matters most. Don't let your to-do list's nagging voice drown out God's voice calling you to spend time with Him on a regular basis. Make time for relationships - with God, family, and friends - and let things that don't matter as much just slide.
Unplug your life for a while. Take time away from technology that demands you be available to others all the time. Take a break from your cell phone, fax machine, and e-mail and enjoy the peace and quiet. Turn off the television, radio, and computer so you can spend time relaxing and thinking. Celebrate how taking time to reflect helps you hear God's voice better.
Clear out clutter. Get rid of stuff you don't really want or need by giving it away, selling it, or throwing it out. Create extra space in your home and workplace. Lose the attitudes that clutter your mind - all the thoughts that don't line up with God's truth. Remember that with God, all things are possible. Ask Him to give you new, healthy attitudes, like the fruit of the Spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control). Stop complaining and ask God to give you the perspective you need to be positive. Clear some space in your schedule so you'll have some free time.
Say "no" sometimes so you can say "yes" at the right times. Have the courage to say "no" to requests for your time and energy that don't fit into your unique mission in life. Ask God to clarify what that mission is for you, so you can evaluate each request against it. Ask yourself, "Is this something only I can do?" If not, and it doesn't line up with your life's mission, let someone else do it. Be willing to say "yes" to the right assignments, but before you do agree to them, take time to pray and check your calendar first.
Sense God's presence all around you. Realize that God is with you everywhere, all the time. Pay attention to His presence wherever you happen to be.
Get adequate sleep. Don't deprive your body of the full amount of sleep it needs each night - usually 7 1/2 to 9 hours for adults. Know that you will function at your best only if you've had enough sleep. Make sleep a high priority.
Pursue inner beauty rather than outer beauty. Don't waste too much time and energy focusing on your physical beauty, which will never last. Instead of visiting a body spa, take a spiritual retreat and let God give you His beauty treatments, such as the dermabrasion of confession and the soaking bath of time in His Word. Know that every encounter with God will change you from the inside out, leaving you truly radiant.
Don't bother to make unrealistic resolutions. Decide to accept God's grace. Give yourself permission to do less and take longer doing it. Eat dessert first. Thank God for the life He has given you, and decide to enjoy it.
Let your God-given conscience wake you up. As you make everyday choices, listen the Spirit's guidance and choose to follow it rather than going your own way. Commit to a life of honesty and integrity.
Embrace God's unconditional love. Ask God to tell you how much He loves you. Then listen as He does, and accept and embrace His unconditional love. View yourself as He does - His beloved child.
Make peace with your past. Understand that your past shouldn't define your present and future. Pursue God's healing for traumatic issues in your past. Know that God cares about you and will give you the freedom you need to live in the present and believe in a brighter future if you take your concerns to Him in prayer.
Remember God's kindness to you, and be kind to others. Recall some of the many ways God has blessed you. As part of your thankfulness to Him, do something kind for other people as often as you can.
Let God teach you to pray. Understand that prayer isn't about who you are; it's about who God is. Just show up for prayer and know that God will meet you there and deepen your prayer life over time.
Be still. Make time in your life for solitude and silence so you can follow God's command to be still and know that He is God. As you rest, listen for His voice.
Realize that every prayer counts. Know that if you're too busy or stressed to pray anything more than, "Help!," God will still listen and answer. Understand that even simple, self-focused prayers reach God's ears. Realize that even prayers uttered on the go still rise to heaven. Don't wait until you have time to pray on your knees; pray as often as you can as you go about your everyday life.
Use music to draw closer to God. Recognize music's awesome power to help you focus on God. Listen to some of your favorite music and let it draw you into worship.
Don't listen to naysayers. Realize that people like teachers, bosses, or family members who predict you'll fail at something may not be correct. Understand that God can take every circumstance in your life and bring something good out of it. Rely only on God's plans for you.
Let God use your disappointments and challenges to shape you. Whenever trials enter your life, press in closer to God's heart and ask Him to help you learn something positive from them.
Trust in God's provision. Understand that God is able, willing, and ready to provide whatever you need, whenever you need it. Pray about whatever specific needs you have - a job, a friend, etc. - and trust Him to answer in wisdom and on time.
Study the Bible. Read and study your Bible often. Write in its margins, underline passages, comment, wonder, question, and exclaim. Know that God will make His Word come alive for you.
Release your worries to God. Don't waste time and energy worrying. Instead, spend time and energy praying about your concerns. Then release them - time and time again, if you need to - and trust that God will answer with much greater power than you have yourself.
Don't let petty concerns weigh you down. Rather than trying to convince God to work on your agenda, take the risk of opening up your whole life to Him and trusting Him to do what He will with it. Know that such a leap of faith will lead to a much greater life for you.
Recognize the location of your true home. Remember that our fallen world is just a temporary home; your eternal home will be in heaven. Know where - and to whom - you belong.
Serve God. Whatever you do, do it for God. Give your best effort to it. Be open to God's leading and willing to serve Him however He calls you.
Keep learning. Decide to be a lifelong learner. Constantly pursue greater spiritual, physical, mental and emotional strength through disciplines like prayer, exercise, and meaningful work.
Money Matters
According to Crown Financial Ministries the number one factor in the breakup of most marriages is financial discord. 85% of marriages that fail do so because of financial problems. And this kind of financial turmoil is no less of a problem in many Christian marriages. Yet in the Bible we have a divinely-inspired and inexhaustible resource on money matters. The Bible mentions money matters some 2,350 times! That's more passages than on heaven and hell combined. So since we have such an amazing divine resource, what lessons can we learn so that money matters will not wipe out our marriages? Let's look at seven divinely ordered truths about money matters:
• Truth #1: God alone is the Owner of everything: He alone is the Possessor of heaven and earth.
To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it (Deut. 10:14).
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it (Ps. 24:1).
Therefore, the so-called bottom line is this: In the ultimate sense, God owns everything! We own nothing! To assume ownership of anything is to commit the sin of idolatry. We are not owners of anything. We are stewards of everything.
• Truth #2: Since God is the ultimate Owner of everything, He is more than willing and able to meet all of our financial needs.
And my God will fully supply your needs according to His abundant wealth so glorious in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19).
For every beast of the forest is Mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird of the mountains and everything that moves in the field is Mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is Mine, and all it contains (Ps. 50:10-11).
God is the ultimate land Owner of the whole earth and His butcher shop is always open for those of us who are hungry and needy. We just need to ask and He will supply. And it's free for the asking!
Truth #3: Therefore, it makes good sense to commit our financial matters to Him and to trust Him to guide our financial decisions as well as to meet all of our basic needs (i.e., food, clothing, and shelter).
Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf (Prov. 11:28).
The greedy man stirs up dissension, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper (Prov. 28:25).
[Jesus said,] "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things [our basic needs] will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt. 6:33-34).
To those who know the trustworthiness of the Lord and His willingness to meet all of our basic needs, an eleventh commandment kicks into play: "Thou shall not sweat it!" Financial worry and anxiety are evidences of unbelief and are sure indicators of potential problems in marital money matters.
• Truth #4: Learning to trust God for all of our basic needs does not come naturally to any of us. It is something into which we must grow.
[Paul said,] "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need" (Phil. 4:10-13).
From time to time God drops us into no water and no food situations (like the Israelites of old). This is His way of reintroducing us into His school of faith so that we might learn to trust Him with a new and deeper faith. This is the venture of faith into which He calls each and every married couple.
• Truth #5: Further, God's school of faith is designed to teach us two specific lessons about money matters: Wealth and prosperity, at best, are fleeting and temporal. And there are potential dangers inherent in money itself.
Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle (Prov. 23:4-5).
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Tim. 6:6-10).
• Truth #6: So it is imperative that we guard our hearts from all forms of greed and envy.
A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live (Prov. 15:27).
The greedy man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper (Prov. 28:25).
Jesus replied, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. . . . [It consists in being] rich toward God" (Luke 16:14-15).
• Truth #7: And finally, all of this means that in marital money matters God is calling us to develop generous and giving hearts.
A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed (Prov. 11:25).
[Paul reminded them,] I have shown you in all things that by working hard in this way we must help the weak, remembering the words that the Lord Jesus Himself said, "There is more happiness in giving than in receiving" (Acts 20:35).
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God Himself has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we may say with confidence, "The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Heb. 13:5-6).
• Truth #1: God alone is the Owner of everything: He alone is the Possessor of heaven and earth.
To the LORD your God belong the heavens, even the highest heavens, the earth and everything in it (Deut. 10:14).
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it (Ps. 24:1).
Therefore, the so-called bottom line is this: In the ultimate sense, God owns everything! We own nothing! To assume ownership of anything is to commit the sin of idolatry. We are not owners of anything. We are stewards of everything.
• Truth #2: Since God is the ultimate Owner of everything, He is more than willing and able to meet all of our financial needs.
And my God will fully supply your needs according to His abundant wealth so glorious in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:19).
For every beast of the forest is Mine, the cattle on a thousand hills. I know every bird of the mountains and everything that moves in the field is Mine. If I were hungry I would not tell you, for the world is Mine, and all it contains (Ps. 50:10-11).
God is the ultimate land Owner of the whole earth and His butcher shop is always open for those of us who are hungry and needy. We just need to ask and He will supply. And it's free for the asking!
Truth #3: Therefore, it makes good sense to commit our financial matters to Him and to trust Him to guide our financial decisions as well as to meet all of our basic needs (i.e., food, clothing, and shelter).
Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf (Prov. 11:28).
The greedy man stirs up dissension, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper (Prov. 28:25).
[Jesus said,] "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things [our basic needs] will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matt. 6:33-34).
To those who know the trustworthiness of the Lord and His willingness to meet all of our basic needs, an eleventh commandment kicks into play: "Thou shall not sweat it!" Financial worry and anxiety are evidences of unbelief and are sure indicators of potential problems in marital money matters.
• Truth #4: Learning to trust God for all of our basic needs does not come naturally to any of us. It is something into which we must grow.
[Paul said,] "Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need" (Phil. 4:10-13).
From time to time God drops us into no water and no food situations (like the Israelites of old). This is His way of reintroducing us into His school of faith so that we might learn to trust Him with a new and deeper faith. This is the venture of faith into which He calls each and every married couple.
• Truth #5: Further, God's school of faith is designed to teach us two specific lessons about money matters: Wealth and prosperity, at best, are fleeting and temporal. And there are potential dangers inherent in money itself.
Do not wear yourself out to get rich; have the wisdom to show restraint. Cast but a glance at riches, and they are gone, for they will surely sprout wings and fly off to the sky like an eagle (Prov. 23:4-5).
But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs (1 Tim. 6:6-10).
• Truth #6: So it is imperative that we guard our hearts from all forms of greed and envy.
A greedy man brings trouble to his family, but he who hates bribes will live (Prov. 15:27).
The greedy man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper (Prov. 28:25).
Jesus replied, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions. . . . [It consists in being] rich toward God" (Luke 16:14-15).
• Truth #7: And finally, all of this means that in marital money matters God is calling us to develop generous and giving hearts.
A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed (Prov. 11:25).
[Paul reminded them,] I have shown you in all things that by working hard in this way we must help the weak, remembering the words that the Lord Jesus Himself said, "There is more happiness in giving than in receiving" (Acts 20:35).
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God Himself has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we may say with confidence, "The Lord is my Helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" (Heb. 13:5-6).
"He's Just Not That Into You" -- Postmodern Secular Romance"
Sex and romance remain big issues in popular culture -- and for good reason. In a fallen world, issues of sexuality and romantic love are prime candidates for corruption and confusion. HBO's Emmy-winning Sex and the City may serve as the most potent symbol of the secular distortion of romance and the postmodern confusion of sexuality that is now taken for granted in many sectors of American society.
The latest evidence of this tragic confusion is found in the book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys -- the best-selling nonfiction book according to recent reports. Written by two authors connected with Sex and the City, the book is the perfect introduction to the sad, empty, highly-sexualized, and amoral world of modern romance.
Authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo pack quite a punch in this little book. As the authors explain, the book grew out of an accidental conversation in the writers' room of Sex and the City. As Liz Tuccilo explains, the female writers were "talking, pitching ideas, our personal love lives weaving in and out of the fictional lives we were creating in the room. And just like on any other day, one of the women on staff asked for feedback on the behavior of a man whom she liked. He was giving her mixed messages--she was confused. We were happy to pitch in and pick apart all the signs and signals of his actions. And just like on any other day, after much analysis and debate, we concluded that she was fabulous, he must be scared, he's never met a woman as great as her, he is intimidated, and she should just give him time."
But, that female conversation was interrupted by a male consultant for the program who walked into the room, Greg Behrendt. "On this day," Liz reports, "Greg listened intently to the story and our reactions, and then said to the woman in question, 'Listen, it sounds like he's just not that into you.'"
This simple observation dawned as a great metaphysical discovery on the part of the female writers. "We were shocked, appalled, amused, horrified, and above all, intrigued," Tuccilo reports. "We sensed immediately that this man might be speaking the truth. A truth that we, in our combined hundred years of dating experience, had never considered, and definitely never considered saying out loud."
Greg Behrendt also provides his side of the story, explaining that he had the "good fortune to be the only straight male on the predominantly female writing staff" of Sex and the City. He confirms Tuccilo's version of the story. "When a guy is into you, he lets you know it," Behrendt instructs. "He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it's time to have sex, he's more than overjoyed to oblige." According to Behrendt, "Men are not complicated, although we'd like you to think we are."
The strategic conversation in the Sex and the City writers' room became the catalyst for He's Just Not That Into You as Behrendt and Tuccilo combined their talents and insights to write the book from a combined male and female perspective. The end result is something like a primer for romance according to the worldview of Sex and the City -- but this time corrected by a male influence. The fact that this male influence has to be identified as heterosexual tells you a great deal about how postmodern this worldview really is.
The book is divided into sixteen chapters, most offering what is intended to be a significant lesson for women as they try to understand the men in their lives. According to Behrendt and Tuccilo, a woman should understand that a man is "not that into you" if he is not calling her, is not dating her, is not having sex with her, is having sex with someone else, only wants to see her when he's drunk, doesn't want to marry her, is breaking up with her, has disappeared on her, is married, is a selfish jerk, a bully, or is "a really big freak."
The authors offer a series of excuses women make in order to rationalize the fact that the relationship is not moving forward in a way they would desire. The issue here is really quite clear. According to Behrendt and Tuccilo, women are looking for men who will initiate the relationship, sustain its development, engage in sexual relations in order to establish compatibility, and then move into deeper maturity on the way to marriage. This is the fairy tale as presented in both Sex and the City and this illuminating little book.
In the background to all this is the fact that many women are experiencing great grief in relationships with disinterested, immature, and lecherous men. However, the most interesting insight from this book is the fact that there must be many women--this is The New York Times' best-selling nonfiction book, after all -- who are doing their best to rationalize why the men in their lives appear to be disinterested in romance and responsibility.
The authors dismiss excuses such as "he doesn't want to ruin the friendship," "maybe he's intimidated by me," "maybe he wants to take it slow," and "maybe he forgot to remember me."
At times, the authors write with a combined voice, while individual messages from Behrendt and Tuccilo are inserted into the text. Behrendt does the hard labor in this partnership, serving as the wise and experienced man who can offer his testosterone-filled insights into the decadence, disinterest, and depravity of his fellow men.
The book is a litany of female complaints against men, followed by hypothesized reasons why men fail to deliver on their commitments. "Annie" wrote the authors to explain that her date almost never calls when he says he will, even when it is supposed to be only a few minutes later. Greg responds on behalf of the writing team, suggesting, "Here's the deal. Most guys will say what they think you want to hear at the end of a date or phone call, rather than nothing at all. Some guys are lying, some guys really mean it. Here's how you can tell the difference: You know they mean it when they actually do what they say they were going to do. Here's something else to think about: Calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If you can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna to have a house, baby. And it's cold outside."
That response pretty much sums up the style of the book and the depth of its advice. Actual functioning, mature, working marriages are a far-off vision for these women. In an odd note, Liz Tuccilo tells of working with Greg Behrendt on the book in New York City, noticing that Greg "would often call his wife just to tell her that he couldn't really talk to her right then, but he was thinking of her and would call later." This kind of loving gesture is obviously foreign to Tuccilo's experience. "It didn't look like the most difficult thing in the world," she said, "but it sure seemed nice."
Moving on to other issues in the romantic relationship, Behrendt and Tuccilo suggest that "hanging out" is not the same thing as dating. If a man does not take responsibility to invite a woman on a date, make appropriate arrangements, and invest in the experience, he's just not that into you.
Inevitably, the issue of sex arises in just the way we would expect, coming from writers for Sex and the City. According to these authors, if a man is attracted to a woman, he will move directly to initiating sex. "If he were into you," they explain, "he would be having a hard time keeping his paws off you. Oh the simplicity of it all! If a man is not trying to undress you, he's not into you."
They completely dismiss men who do not move immediately to demand sex or men who think that sex ought to wait for marriage.
In a chapter that would seem to be unnecessary, even for the lovelorn readers of this book, Behrendt and Tuccilo explain that if a man is having sex with another woman, he is probably not a good candidate for future romance. Get this line: "If he's sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesn't even like you all that much."
How do you take that advice apart? According to the Sex and the City worldview, it would presumably be just fine if the man were having sex with another woman with her knowledge or encouragement. The sex itself is not bad, wrong, or problematic according to Behrendt and Tuccilo. The issue is cheating. Writing to "Fiona," Greg Behrendt offers this advice: "Well, you can choose to believe he is sorry. You can choose to believe he will change. But in my book, lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you." Got it?
The following chapters offer similar advice, instructing women on the wiles and basic immaturity of men. You don't have to read between the lines to see that these writers assume that men will use women and that women are so desperate for romance and sex that they are willing to be used.
Interestingly, marriage remains very much on the horizon. The women whose unfulfilling relationships presumably form the market for this book are desperately seeking to be married. "Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has 'issues' with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married," Behrendt and Tuccilo explain. "It just will never be with you."
In an interesting exchange, "Danielle" wrote a letter explaining that the main man in her life is "just not ready" to get married. After dating for five years, "I'm only twenty-eight and people get married much later these days. And sometimes it takes longer for guys to grow up than girls. So I want to be understanding, but I'm just not sure how long I'm supposed to wait. Does he need more time or is he just not that into marrying me?"
Greg responds, "I hate to tell you this, but here's why he feels rushed: He's still not sure you're the one. Yep, my lovely, I know it's hard to hear, but better to hear it now than ten years from now. So you can stay with him and continue to audition for the part of his lucky wife, or you can go find someone who doesn't need a decade or two to realize you're the best thing that ever happened to him."
He's Just Not That Into You is the perfect portrait of postmodern romance. With romantic love isolated from the Christian worldview that gave it birth, sex, romance, and whatever is considered love are combined in a tragic mix of confusion. Nevertheless, the book -- and the fact that it now ranks as the top-selling nonfiction title -- tells us something Christians need to know about the worldview, experience, and tragic emptiness of so many people in modern secular America.
Feminists promised American women a festival of liberated delights, describing marriage as a domestic prison and male leadership as oppressive patriarchy. What are feminists to make of this book, these women, and this advice? Clearly, these women desperately want men to grow up, initiate relationships, lead, and move toward marriage.
Tragically, these authors -- and the millions they represent -- see sex as a way of luring, securing, and enticing men into romantic relationships. When these relationships fail -- as this book proves they so often do -- women are left feeling used, abused, empty, and hopeless. He's Just Not That Into You represents one of the most tragic and depressing books published in recent years. Nevertheless, those of us who know the Bible's understanding of sex, romance, and marriage should pay attention to this book and realize why the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is good news in more ways than one--rescuing us not only from sin, but from this tragic pattern of emptiness, disappointment, and confusion.
The hundreds of thousands of women reading this book desperately need the right advice -- but that's the last thing they're going to get from a Sex and the City writing team.
Why do people use people and love things when they should love people and use things?
The latest evidence of this tragic confusion is found in the book He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys -- the best-selling nonfiction book according to recent reports. Written by two authors connected with Sex and the City, the book is the perfect introduction to the sad, empty, highly-sexualized, and amoral world of modern romance.
Authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccilo pack quite a punch in this little book. As the authors explain, the book grew out of an accidental conversation in the writers' room of Sex and the City. As Liz Tuccilo explains, the female writers were "talking, pitching ideas, our personal love lives weaving in and out of the fictional lives we were creating in the room. And just like on any other day, one of the women on staff asked for feedback on the behavior of a man whom she liked. He was giving her mixed messages--she was confused. We were happy to pitch in and pick apart all the signs and signals of his actions. And just like on any other day, after much analysis and debate, we concluded that she was fabulous, he must be scared, he's never met a woman as great as her, he is intimidated, and she should just give him time."
But, that female conversation was interrupted by a male consultant for the program who walked into the room, Greg Behrendt. "On this day," Liz reports, "Greg listened intently to the story and our reactions, and then said to the woman in question, 'Listen, it sounds like he's just not that into you.'"
This simple observation dawned as a great metaphysical discovery on the part of the female writers. "We were shocked, appalled, amused, horrified, and above all, intrigued," Tuccilo reports. "We sensed immediately that this man might be speaking the truth. A truth that we, in our combined hundred years of dating experience, had never considered, and definitely never considered saying out loud."
Greg Behrendt also provides his side of the story, explaining that he had the "good fortune to be the only straight male on the predominantly female writing staff" of Sex and the City. He confirms Tuccilo's version of the story. "When a guy is into you, he lets you know it," Behrendt instructs. "He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can't keep his eyes or hands off of you, and when it's time to have sex, he's more than overjoyed to oblige." According to Behrendt, "Men are not complicated, although we'd like you to think we are."
The strategic conversation in the Sex and the City writers' room became the catalyst for He's Just Not That Into You as Behrendt and Tuccilo combined their talents and insights to write the book from a combined male and female perspective. The end result is something like a primer for romance according to the worldview of Sex and the City -- but this time corrected by a male influence. The fact that this male influence has to be identified as heterosexual tells you a great deal about how postmodern this worldview really is.
The book is divided into sixteen chapters, most offering what is intended to be a significant lesson for women as they try to understand the men in their lives. According to Behrendt and Tuccilo, a woman should understand that a man is "not that into you" if he is not calling her, is not dating her, is not having sex with her, is having sex with someone else, only wants to see her when he's drunk, doesn't want to marry her, is breaking up with her, has disappeared on her, is married, is a selfish jerk, a bully, or is "a really big freak."
The authors offer a series of excuses women make in order to rationalize the fact that the relationship is not moving forward in a way they would desire. The issue here is really quite clear. According to Behrendt and Tuccilo, women are looking for men who will initiate the relationship, sustain its development, engage in sexual relations in order to establish compatibility, and then move into deeper maturity on the way to marriage. This is the fairy tale as presented in both Sex and the City and this illuminating little book.
In the background to all this is the fact that many women are experiencing great grief in relationships with disinterested, immature, and lecherous men. However, the most interesting insight from this book is the fact that there must be many women--this is The New York Times' best-selling nonfiction book, after all -- who are doing their best to rationalize why the men in their lives appear to be disinterested in romance and responsibility.
The authors dismiss excuses such as "he doesn't want to ruin the friendship," "maybe he's intimidated by me," "maybe he wants to take it slow," and "maybe he forgot to remember me."
At times, the authors write with a combined voice, while individual messages from Behrendt and Tuccilo are inserted into the text. Behrendt does the hard labor in this partnership, serving as the wise and experienced man who can offer his testosterone-filled insights into the decadence, disinterest, and depravity of his fellow men.
The book is a litany of female complaints against men, followed by hypothesized reasons why men fail to deliver on their commitments. "Annie" wrote the authors to explain that her date almost never calls when he says he will, even when it is supposed to be only a few minutes later. Greg responds on behalf of the writing team, suggesting, "Here's the deal. Most guys will say what they think you want to hear at the end of a date or phone call, rather than nothing at all. Some guys are lying, some guys really mean it. Here's how you can tell the difference: You know they mean it when they actually do what they say they were going to do. Here's something else to think about: Calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If you can't lay this one stupid brick down, you ain't never gonna to have a house, baby. And it's cold outside."
That response pretty much sums up the style of the book and the depth of its advice. Actual functioning, mature, working marriages are a far-off vision for these women. In an odd note, Liz Tuccilo tells of working with Greg Behrendt on the book in New York City, noticing that Greg "would often call his wife just to tell her that he couldn't really talk to her right then, but he was thinking of her and would call later." This kind of loving gesture is obviously foreign to Tuccilo's experience. "It didn't look like the most difficult thing in the world," she said, "but it sure seemed nice."
Moving on to other issues in the romantic relationship, Behrendt and Tuccilo suggest that "hanging out" is not the same thing as dating. If a man does not take responsibility to invite a woman on a date, make appropriate arrangements, and invest in the experience, he's just not that into you.
Inevitably, the issue of sex arises in just the way we would expect, coming from writers for Sex and the City. According to these authors, if a man is attracted to a woman, he will move directly to initiating sex. "If he were into you," they explain, "he would be having a hard time keeping his paws off you. Oh the simplicity of it all! If a man is not trying to undress you, he's not into you."
They completely dismiss men who do not move immediately to demand sex or men who think that sex ought to wait for marriage.
In a chapter that would seem to be unnecessary, even for the lovelorn readers of this book, Behrendt and Tuccilo explain that if a man is having sex with another woman, he is probably not a good candidate for future romance. Get this line: "If he's sleeping with someone else without your knowledge or encouragement, he is not only behaving like a man who's just not that into you, he's behaving like a man who doesn't even like you all that much."
How do you take that advice apart? According to the Sex and the City worldview, it would presumably be just fine if the man were having sex with another woman with her knowledge or encouragement. The sex itself is not bad, wrong, or problematic according to Behrendt and Tuccilo. The issue is cheating. Writing to "Fiona," Greg Behrendt offers this advice: "Well, you can choose to believe he is sorry. You can choose to believe he will change. But in my book, lying, cheating, hiding is the exact opposite of the behavior of a man who's really into you." Got it?
The following chapters offer similar advice, instructing women on the wiles and basic immaturity of men. You don't have to read between the lines to see that these writers assume that men will use women and that women are so desperate for romance and sex that they are willing to be used.
Interestingly, marriage remains very much on the horizon. The women whose unfulfilling relationships presumably form the market for this book are desperately seeking to be married. "Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn't want to get married or doesn't believe in marriage, or has 'issues' with marriage, will, rest assured, someday be married," Behrendt and Tuccilo explain. "It just will never be with you."
In an interesting exchange, "Danielle" wrote a letter explaining that the main man in her life is "just not ready" to get married. After dating for five years, "I'm only twenty-eight and people get married much later these days. And sometimes it takes longer for guys to grow up than girls. So I want to be understanding, but I'm just not sure how long I'm supposed to wait. Does he need more time or is he just not that into marrying me?"
Greg responds, "I hate to tell you this, but here's why he feels rushed: He's still not sure you're the one. Yep, my lovely, I know it's hard to hear, but better to hear it now than ten years from now. So you can stay with him and continue to audition for the part of his lucky wife, or you can go find someone who doesn't need a decade or two to realize you're the best thing that ever happened to him."
He's Just Not That Into You is the perfect portrait of postmodern romance. With romantic love isolated from the Christian worldview that gave it birth, sex, romance, and whatever is considered love are combined in a tragic mix of confusion. Nevertheless, the book -- and the fact that it now ranks as the top-selling nonfiction title -- tells us something Christians need to know about the worldview, experience, and tragic emptiness of so many people in modern secular America.
Feminists promised American women a festival of liberated delights, describing marriage as a domestic prison and male leadership as oppressive patriarchy. What are feminists to make of this book, these women, and this advice? Clearly, these women desperately want men to grow up, initiate relationships, lead, and move toward marriage.
Tragically, these authors -- and the millions they represent -- see sex as a way of luring, securing, and enticing men into romantic relationships. When these relationships fail -- as this book proves they so often do -- women are left feeling used, abused, empty, and hopeless. He's Just Not That Into You represents one of the most tragic and depressing books published in recent years. Nevertheless, those of us who know the Bible's understanding of sex, romance, and marriage should pay attention to this book and realize why the Gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ is good news in more ways than one--rescuing us not only from sin, but from this tragic pattern of emptiness, disappointment, and confusion.
The hundreds of thousands of women reading this book desperately need the right advice -- but that's the last thing they're going to get from a Sex and the City writing team.
Why do people use people and love things when they should love people and use things?
The Landmine of Discouragement
Psalm 42:5-8
Some people suffer the effects of discouragement for months or years. They do not know how to repair the damage caused by this devastating landmine. But how does such a loss of confidence and optimism originate?
Disappointment is our emotional response to a failed expectation. When we allow disappointment to fester by refusing to recognize and deal with failure, we slip into discouragement. Disappointments are inevitable, but believers don't have to be in bondage to discouragement.
We all face troubling times that make us feel weak, and we will continue to have these experiences throughout our life. Discouragement, however, should be temporary. Just as we drive through a tunnel, we can enter moments of discouragement and then come out on the other side. I have experienced situations in which I was very discouraged for a season of time. Occasionally, I have needed to get on my knees during the night to cry out to God for encouragement. After asking Him for a change in attitude and help to lay down my burden, I have been able to fall back to sleep.
In order to gain victory, we must first look within ourselves. We need to admit our specific discouragement and the unresolved conflicts in our heart. Identifying the root cause of our disheartened feelings allows us to work through them. Most importantly, we must turn to God. As long as we are talking about our hurt, our suffering, our embarrassment, or our shattered dreams, we will wallow in despair. But the moment we lift our heads and say "Father," we take our first step out of discouragement.
Some people suffer the effects of discouragement for months or years. They do not know how to repair the damage caused by this devastating landmine. But how does such a loss of confidence and optimism originate?
Disappointment is our emotional response to a failed expectation. When we allow disappointment to fester by refusing to recognize and deal with failure, we slip into discouragement. Disappointments are inevitable, but believers don't have to be in bondage to discouragement.
We all face troubling times that make us feel weak, and we will continue to have these experiences throughout our life. Discouragement, however, should be temporary. Just as we drive through a tunnel, we can enter moments of discouragement and then come out on the other side. I have experienced situations in which I was very discouraged for a season of time. Occasionally, I have needed to get on my knees during the night to cry out to God for encouragement. After asking Him for a change in attitude and help to lay down my burden, I have been able to fall back to sleep.
In order to gain victory, we must first look within ourselves. We need to admit our specific discouragement and the unresolved conflicts in our heart. Identifying the root cause of our disheartened feelings allows us to work through them. Most importantly, we must turn to God. As long as we are talking about our hurt, our suffering, our embarrassment, or our shattered dreams, we will wallow in despair. But the moment we lift our heads and say "Father," we take our first step out of discouragement.
The Landmine of Covetousness
Ephesians 5:1-5
One of the best-concealed landmines in the life of a believer is covetousness. We tend to think the term simply describes a desire for an item belonging to another person, but it goes deeper than that. Covetousness is an intense yearning for something we do not have coupled with the belief that we will not be happy or satisfied until we get it.
When we are driven by an insatiable longing that distracts us from our relationship with God, then we are in danger - such intense craving is really a form of idolatry. Our preoccupation with satisfying the desire translates into our placing a higher value on the object than on God. That is the very nature of idol worship.
We all have desires of the heart, many of which are planted by God Himself; longings within the framework of His will are acceptable. There is nothing in the Bible that says it is wrong to want a nice house or a reliable car. God has a purpose, plan, and time worked out to meet our needs and supply legitimate wants. However, when we choose to fulfill a God-given desire in a way that is not in keeping with Hs will, we are guilty of covetousness.
The reason covetousness is so damaging is that it has no end. When we achieve one goal that we thought would satisfy, we discover that we are still not content. So we look to something else that we think will bring satisfaction. But nothing can bring peace and genuine contentment to our heart except a relationship with God.
The Consequences of Coveting
Exodus 18:17-21
People oftentimes develop a desire for something that is not in God's plan for them. When they fail to attain what their heart is set on, the desire can build into intense, unrelenting pressure.
Believers who are consumed by covetousness have ceased to depend on God. To reach our goals, we can manipulate circumstances because we have lost faith in the Lord's ability to know what is best and provide it. Such behavior indicates that we reject the sovereignty of God. Then fear fills our lives as we chase harder and harder after the things we desire.
The consequences of covetousness are painful. Our sensitivity to God weakens to the point that we cannot hear when He speaks to us. As we distance ourselves from Him, our envious attitude breeds ungratefulness. We can no longer be thankful for what we have, because our focus is on what we do not possess.
Covetousness leads to a life of tension and worry. Jethro wisely advised his son-in-law Moses to search for assistants who hated ill-gotten gain. These men were more interested in what God provided for them than in what they could acquire for themselves. If we want to be like the individuals Jethro described, we must focus on God's purpose for our lives. When we are sensitive to His voice, He will teach us to distinguish between desires falling within His will and those that lie beyond. As believers, we have the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit to help us resist the lure of wrong desires. Covetousness does not have to be our downfall.
One of the best-concealed landmines in the life of a believer is covetousness. We tend to think the term simply describes a desire for an item belonging to another person, but it goes deeper than that. Covetousness is an intense yearning for something we do not have coupled with the belief that we will not be happy or satisfied until we get it.
When we are driven by an insatiable longing that distracts us from our relationship with God, then we are in danger - such intense craving is really a form of idolatry. Our preoccupation with satisfying the desire translates into our placing a higher value on the object than on God. That is the very nature of idol worship.
We all have desires of the heart, many of which are planted by God Himself; longings within the framework of His will are acceptable. There is nothing in the Bible that says it is wrong to want a nice house or a reliable car. God has a purpose, plan, and time worked out to meet our needs and supply legitimate wants. However, when we choose to fulfill a God-given desire in a way that is not in keeping with Hs will, we are guilty of covetousness.
The reason covetousness is so damaging is that it has no end. When we achieve one goal that we thought would satisfy, we discover that we are still not content. So we look to something else that we think will bring satisfaction. But nothing can bring peace and genuine contentment to our heart except a relationship with God.
The Consequences of Coveting
Exodus 18:17-21
People oftentimes develop a desire for something that is not in God's plan for them. When they fail to attain what their heart is set on, the desire can build into intense, unrelenting pressure.
Believers who are consumed by covetousness have ceased to depend on God. To reach our goals, we can manipulate circumstances because we have lost faith in the Lord's ability to know what is best and provide it. Such behavior indicates that we reject the sovereignty of God. Then fear fills our lives as we chase harder and harder after the things we desire.
The consequences of covetousness are painful. Our sensitivity to God weakens to the point that we cannot hear when He speaks to us. As we distance ourselves from Him, our envious attitude breeds ungratefulness. We can no longer be thankful for what we have, because our focus is on what we do not possess.
Covetousness leads to a life of tension and worry. Jethro wisely advised his son-in-law Moses to search for assistants who hated ill-gotten gain. These men were more interested in what God provided for them than in what they could acquire for themselves. If we want to be like the individuals Jethro described, we must focus on God's purpose for our lives. When we are sensitive to His voice, He will teach us to distinguish between desires falling within His will and those that lie beyond. As believers, we have the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit to help us resist the lure of wrong desires. Covetousness does not have to be our downfall.
The Flight of Geese
2 Chronicles 30:12
Also in Judah the hand of God was on the people to give them unity of mind to carry out what the king and his officials had ordered, following the word of the Lord.
A major corporation conducted a study on the flight of geese. In their study they found that geese fly in a "V" formation with one goose in the lead. After a period of time, this goose relinquishes the lead to another goose. During flight they noticed head movements of the leader that seem to give signals to the other geese flying, perhaps to let the others know how he was doing. They estimate that the formation flight pattern reduces wind drag due to the lift the other birds receive and believe it increases their performance by up to 70 percent. Whenever one goose drops out, another goes with it. These two geese do not catch up to the original pack, but join another group later.
Independence is one of the strongholds of the marketplace. The entire system feeds the desire within us to gain recognition from our individual achievements. We wrongly believe financial independence frees us from needing to depend on anyone else. The fact is, dependence on others is a good thing. It can bring us into a unity of spirit that accomplishes much more with less effort while meeting needs for each of us. Christ talked a lot about unity among brothers and sisters. He said that others would know we are believers by our love for one another and by our unity. We need to depend on others so that we don't go it alone. By walking together we increase our strength. By going it alone we must carry a load we were never intended to carry. God did not create us to go it alone. By joining together we accomplish more for the glory of God.
Also in Judah the hand of God was on the people to give them unity of mind to carry out what the king and his officials had ordered, following the word of the Lord.
A major corporation conducted a study on the flight of geese. In their study they found that geese fly in a "V" formation with one goose in the lead. After a period of time, this goose relinquishes the lead to another goose. During flight they noticed head movements of the leader that seem to give signals to the other geese flying, perhaps to let the others know how he was doing. They estimate that the formation flight pattern reduces wind drag due to the lift the other birds receive and believe it increases their performance by up to 70 percent. Whenever one goose drops out, another goes with it. These two geese do not catch up to the original pack, but join another group later.
Independence is one of the strongholds of the marketplace. The entire system feeds the desire within us to gain recognition from our individual achievements. We wrongly believe financial independence frees us from needing to depend on anyone else. The fact is, dependence on others is a good thing. It can bring us into a unity of spirit that accomplishes much more with less effort while meeting needs for each of us. Christ talked a lot about unity among brothers and sisters. He said that others would know we are believers by our love for one another and by our unity. We need to depend on others so that we don't go it alone. By walking together we increase our strength. By going it alone we must carry a load we were never intended to carry. God did not create us to go it alone. By joining together we accomplish more for the glory of God.
An Encounter With God
Daniel 10:8
So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless.
Daniel received a vision that troubled him greatly. He wanted understanding of this vision. He set himself out to understand the vision by fasting for three weeks. Three days after his three weeks of fasting, a messenger of God appeared to Daniel. The messenger explained that Heaven had heard his prayer from the first day, but the angel was temporarily prevented from coming by the prince of Persia, a demon angel, who sought to thwart God's messenger from coming to Daniel.
There are times in our lives when we must set ourselves to seeking God with all our hearts. It is in these times that we hear from Heaven in ways we may never have experienced before. Daniel's perseverance in prayer was rewarded with a personal encounter with Heaven. However, in order to receive from God, Daniel had to be left alone, his strength removed, and be placed in a helpless condition. When we have no ability in our own strength to move Heaven or the events around us, we are in position to hear from Heaven. It is the acknowledgment of our humanity and our frailness that places us in a position to have a personal encounter with the living God.
So I was left alone, gazing at this great vision; I had no strength left, my face turned deathly pale and I was helpless.
Daniel received a vision that troubled him greatly. He wanted understanding of this vision. He set himself out to understand the vision by fasting for three weeks. Three days after his three weeks of fasting, a messenger of God appeared to Daniel. The messenger explained that Heaven had heard his prayer from the first day, but the angel was temporarily prevented from coming by the prince of Persia, a demon angel, who sought to thwart God's messenger from coming to Daniel.
There are times in our lives when we must set ourselves to seeking God with all our hearts. It is in these times that we hear from Heaven in ways we may never have experienced before. Daniel's perseverance in prayer was rewarded with a personal encounter with Heaven. However, in order to receive from God, Daniel had to be left alone, his strength removed, and be placed in a helpless condition. When we have no ability in our own strength to move Heaven or the events around us, we are in position to hear from Heaven. It is the acknowledgment of our humanity and our frailness that places us in a position to have a personal encounter with the living God.
He Knows My Name
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14
How Many Children?
Dear God,
How many children do you have?
A million? Billion? Trillion?
He says, “Even more than that!
I have a multitude no one can number—
Ah! And I hold them all in my hand!
Not one is forgotten—I know all about them,
And I supply every need that they have.”
Dear Father in Heaven, How rich you must be,
Providing for such a large, growing family!
He says, “My riches are unending—
Beyond comprehending;
Compounding exponentially.”
Oh Father God, How wise you must be!
To create such a wide variety
Of people with all different personalities.
Is there no end to your creativity?
He says, “Oh no! I only do originals—
Each one priceless, unique;
And each one expressing a unique part of Me.”
The first phrase of the song “He Knows My Name” says, “I have a maker,” which reminds me of the mind-boggling fact that each one of us is formed by the hand of God. That means we can be assured that we have value and are precious simply and for no other reason than the fact that we are created in His image. Isn’t that amazing? We are small, in-process versions of our big creator God. Flowers bloom, waterfalls cascade, cheetahs run fast, and birds fly high; but none of them is made in God’s image—only we are. And not only did He make us, but He also made us with a purpose: to reflect who He is and give Him glory with our lives.
I’ll never forget watching the birth of each of my four children. How can it be that these little eternal beings, made in God’s image, who no one but God had ever met before, just popped out and showed up on planet Earth? To this day I still can’t quite comprehend it.
I remember in particular the birth of my third child, April. The minute she saw daylight, she looked around as if to say, “What’s going on around here? Who are you guys, and what are you talking about?”
Like the rest of us, she will live her God-ordained years on Earth and hopefully fulfill all the works that God has predestined for her (see Eph. 2:10). Then April will go on to live forever in worlds unknown to carry out the mystery of God’s redemptive cosmic plan. Try to get your brain around that one! Oh, and beyond that, try to fathom the It’s a Wonderful Life phenomenon: The lives of everyone April meets and interacts with during her lifetime will be altered and influenced in some way because she showed up on planet Earth that beautiful Spring day in 1998.
Another mind-boggling fact about our creator God is that He makes each one of us different. That’s right! The God we worship is so over-the-top creative that He delights in making each of us unique. There are somewhere around 6 billion of His creations on Earth right now, which doesn’t even count all the millions of people who have gone before us—and those who are yet to come. Why does He make each one of us different and unique? Well, it’s not only because He is creative; but it’s also because He is the God of the one lost lamb, the God who took time to visit with social and religious outcasts, the God who had compassion on and healed the blind man. He is the God of the individual!
We’re not just a huge mass of human beings; instead, we are each unique and we have been created to be unique expressions of who He is. In fact, I believe that if we took the time to get to know this God in an intimate way instead of just imitating one another, we would become even more unique, more interesting, more fun, more peaceful and more joyful; and we would fulfill our true potential, because He is an infinite God with limitless possibilities to express His wonderful, marvelous, fascinating nature.
All this to say, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Fearfully and wonderfully because we are made in the same image as the most awesome being in the universe—God Himself!
How Many Children?
Dear God,
How many children do you have?
A million? Billion? Trillion?
He says, “Even more than that!
I have a multitude no one can number—
Ah! And I hold them all in my hand!
Not one is forgotten—I know all about them,
And I supply every need that they have.”
Dear Father in Heaven, How rich you must be,
Providing for such a large, growing family!
He says, “My riches are unending—
Beyond comprehending;
Compounding exponentially.”
Oh Father God, How wise you must be!
To create such a wide variety
Of people with all different personalities.
Is there no end to your creativity?
He says, “Oh no! I only do originals—
Each one priceless, unique;
And each one expressing a unique part of Me.”
The first phrase of the song “He Knows My Name” says, “I have a maker,” which reminds me of the mind-boggling fact that each one of us is formed by the hand of God. That means we can be assured that we have value and are precious simply and for no other reason than the fact that we are created in His image. Isn’t that amazing? We are small, in-process versions of our big creator God. Flowers bloom, waterfalls cascade, cheetahs run fast, and birds fly high; but none of them is made in God’s image—only we are. And not only did He make us, but He also made us with a purpose: to reflect who He is and give Him glory with our lives.
I’ll never forget watching the birth of each of my four children. How can it be that these little eternal beings, made in God’s image, who no one but God had ever met before, just popped out and showed up on planet Earth? To this day I still can’t quite comprehend it.
I remember in particular the birth of my third child, April. The minute she saw daylight, she looked around as if to say, “What’s going on around here? Who are you guys, and what are you talking about?”
Like the rest of us, she will live her God-ordained years on Earth and hopefully fulfill all the works that God has predestined for her (see Eph. 2:10). Then April will go on to live forever in worlds unknown to carry out the mystery of God’s redemptive cosmic plan. Try to get your brain around that one! Oh, and beyond that, try to fathom the It’s a Wonderful Life phenomenon: The lives of everyone April meets and interacts with during her lifetime will be altered and influenced in some way because she showed up on planet Earth that beautiful Spring day in 1998.
Another mind-boggling fact about our creator God is that He makes each one of us different. That’s right! The God we worship is so over-the-top creative that He delights in making each of us unique. There are somewhere around 6 billion of His creations on Earth right now, which doesn’t even count all the millions of people who have gone before us—and those who are yet to come. Why does He make each one of us different and unique? Well, it’s not only because He is creative; but it’s also because He is the God of the one lost lamb, the God who took time to visit with social and religious outcasts, the God who had compassion on and healed the blind man. He is the God of the individual!
We’re not just a huge mass of human beings; instead, we are each unique and we have been created to be unique expressions of who He is. In fact, I believe that if we took the time to get to know this God in an intimate way instead of just imitating one another, we would become even more unique, more interesting, more fun, more peaceful and more joyful; and we would fulfill our true potential, because He is an infinite God with limitless possibilities to express His wonderful, marvelous, fascinating nature.
All this to say, we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Fearfully and wonderfully because we are made in the same image as the most awesome being in the universe—God Himself!
Journey with Jesus: Nothing of My Own
How many times must the disciples have heard Jesus say, “I do nothing of my own. I do only what My Father tells Me” (paraphrase, see John 5:19, 8:28)? One of the many examples of this is found in John 11. Lazarus, the man Jesus loved dearly, is terribly sick. So his sisters send word to Jesus to come quickly to their aid, I’m sure with the hope that perhaps Jesus will heal him.
Upon hearing of His friend’s sickness, I am certain that many emotions were stirred in Jesus’ heart. Just imagine how you would feel if your closest and dearest friend was terribly ill and dying in the hospital. Would you not rush to your friend’s aid, laying aside your plans and agendas just to be with them in their time of need?
Jesus was fully God and fully man, so I am sure that He very much wanted to make the trip immediately, to go and touch His friend Lazarus and raise him up. When He heard about Lazarus’s sickness, He was about 30 miles away from the town he lived in—at least a two-day journey!
But the Bible does not tell us that Jesus rushed out the door to go to Lazarus. Instead, “When Jesus heard that, He said, ‘This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.’ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was” (John 11:4–6, emphasis mine).
Later in the chapter we read of Jesus finally arriving at the tomb of Lazarus, who had now already been dead for four days. Both Mary and Martha cried to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, [our] brother would not have died” (John 11:21).
Why was Jesus not there sooner? Why didn’t He go right away, as soon as He heard the news, before Lazarus died? The answer is found in John 5:19—“The
Son can do nothing of Himself.” The moment Jesus heard the news about Lazarus, He looked up and asked His Father what He must do. The Father must have told Him, “Son, it is not the time. Wait.” And so Christ waited, demonstrating absolute submission to His Father’s will.
And again, in the last few minutes of Jesus’ life, before going to the cross, the disciples witnessed Christ kneeling and again talking to His Father, saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42, emphasis mine). It was the Father’s will for the Son to drink the cup that He gave Him. Even though inside Jesus pleaded for it to be taken from Him, He yielded to the will of His Father. In life and in death, Christ showed how He submitted Himself to His Father’s will and authority, leaving this as an example for His disciples—and us—to follow.
Jesus was not only referring to submitting to spiritual authority either. He submitted to the governing authorities of His day as well, subject to the decisions of Herod and Pontius Pilate. If Christ, the One who rules the nations and sits at the right-hand throne of God, came to this earth and submitted to the leaders of His day, how much more should we?
How does Jesus’ example apply to our lives? Sometimes the leadership God places in our lives may be younger than we or perhaps less able or wise in our eyes. We must recognize that God is the One who placed those individuals over us. Romans 13:1–2 (NIV) says, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” We cannot break God’s order.
Jesus recognized in the garden of Gethsemane, as the Roman soldiers came to take Him away, that they “could have no power at all against [Him] unless it had been given [them] from above” (John 19:11). And we must recognize the same in our lives, allowing each circumstance to be used as the tool to produce in us the submission and humility of Christ.
In Judges 7, we find the story of Gideon and his army. Starting at 32,000 men, Gideon’s army was quickly reduced to 10,000, and again until only 300 men, chosen by God, marched with him. That’s less than one percent of what he started with! But Gideon didn’t need a large army—only a small one that would simply follow instructions. According to simple math and logic, the men in his army were incredibly outnumbered and doomed to die by the massive, opposing army.
But according to the plan and instructions of the Lord, Gideon readied his men, giving each a clay pot containing a torch inside (see Judges 7:16). He then turned to his army and said, “Look at me and do likewise; watch, and when I come to the edge of the camp you shall do as I do” (Judges 7:17). Gideon had his men surround the enemy, holding these clay pots in their hands. When he gave them the go-ahead, the men were to break the pots and cause the light to shine out (see Judges 7). They followed Gideon’s command and defeated their enemy that day.
These 300 men were totally committed to following Gideon’s instruction regardless of how illogical it seemed. They had no opinion of their own or suggestions for Gideon on how to win the battle. Their attitude was, “Whatever you say, we will do.” Their submission to the authority of their leader was complete. And so it must be in our lives—total submission to God our Father and the leaders He places over us.
In 2 Corinthians 4:7, Paul writes, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.” But unless we come to the place of giving up our stubborn will, our own ambitions and our way of doing things, the light of Christ will never shine out from us, the earthen vessels.
A.W. Tozer once said, “God cannot use a man greatly until He has broken him deeply.” I believe this is true. If Jesus had not submitted and listened to the Father concerning Lazarus, the glory and power of God would not have been displayed through his resurrection. If Gideon’s men decided their leader was foolish and therefore did not submit and follow his command, the battle never would have been won, nor the victory given to God. Jesus has set before us His submission as an example that we might do exactly as He has done. First Corinthians 4:2 (TLB) says, “Now the most important thing about a servant is that he does just what his master tells him to.”
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
C2TM6U6X5ZK5
Upon hearing of His friend’s sickness, I am certain that many emotions were stirred in Jesus’ heart. Just imagine how you would feel if your closest and dearest friend was terribly ill and dying in the hospital. Would you not rush to your friend’s aid, laying aside your plans and agendas just to be with them in their time of need?
Jesus was fully God and fully man, so I am sure that He very much wanted to make the trip immediately, to go and touch His friend Lazarus and raise him up. When He heard about Lazarus’s sickness, He was about 30 miles away from the town he lived in—at least a two-day journey!
But the Bible does not tell us that Jesus rushed out the door to go to Lazarus. Instead, “When Jesus heard that, He said, ‘This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.’ Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So, when He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was” (John 11:4–6, emphasis mine).
Later in the chapter we read of Jesus finally arriving at the tomb of Lazarus, who had now already been dead for four days. Both Mary and Martha cried to Him, “Lord, if You had been here, [our] brother would not have died” (John 11:21).
Why was Jesus not there sooner? Why didn’t He go right away, as soon as He heard the news, before Lazarus died? The answer is found in John 5:19—“The
Son can do nothing of Himself.” The moment Jesus heard the news about Lazarus, He looked up and asked His Father what He must do. The Father must have told Him, “Son, it is not the time. Wait.” And so Christ waited, demonstrating absolute submission to His Father’s will.
And again, in the last few minutes of Jesus’ life, before going to the cross, the disciples witnessed Christ kneeling and again talking to His Father, saying, “Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me; nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done” (Luke 22:42, emphasis mine). It was the Father’s will for the Son to drink the cup that He gave Him. Even though inside Jesus pleaded for it to be taken from Him, He yielded to the will of His Father. In life and in death, Christ showed how He submitted Himself to His Father’s will and authority, leaving this as an example for His disciples—and us—to follow.
Jesus was not only referring to submitting to spiritual authority either. He submitted to the governing authorities of His day as well, subject to the decisions of Herod and Pontius Pilate. If Christ, the One who rules the nations and sits at the right-hand throne of God, came to this earth and submitted to the leaders of His day, how much more should we?
How does Jesus’ example apply to our lives? Sometimes the leadership God places in our lives may be younger than we or perhaps less able or wise in our eyes. We must recognize that God is the One who placed those individuals over us. Romans 13:1–2 (NIV) says, “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” We cannot break God’s order.
Jesus recognized in the garden of Gethsemane, as the Roman soldiers came to take Him away, that they “could have no power at all against [Him] unless it had been given [them] from above” (John 19:11). And we must recognize the same in our lives, allowing each circumstance to be used as the tool to produce in us the submission and humility of Christ.
In Judges 7, we find the story of Gideon and his army. Starting at 32,000 men, Gideon’s army was quickly reduced to 10,000, and again until only 300 men, chosen by God, marched with him. That’s less than one percent of what he started with! But Gideon didn’t need a large army—only a small one that would simply follow instructions. According to simple math and logic, the men in his army were incredibly outnumbered and doomed to die by the massive, opposing army.
But according to the plan and instructions of the Lord, Gideon readied his men, giving each a clay pot containing a torch inside (see Judges 7:16). He then turned to his army and said, “Look at me and do likewise; watch, and when I come to the edge of the camp you shall do as I do” (Judges 7:17). Gideon had his men surround the enemy, holding these clay pots in their hands. When he gave them the go-ahead, the men were to break the pots and cause the light to shine out (see Judges 7). They followed Gideon’s command and defeated their enemy that day.
These 300 men were totally committed to following Gideon’s instruction regardless of how illogical it seemed. They had no opinion of their own or suggestions for Gideon on how to win the battle. Their attitude was, “Whatever you say, we will do.” Their submission to the authority of their leader was complete. And so it must be in our lives—total submission to God our Father and the leaders He places over us.
In 2 Corinthians 4:7, Paul writes, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.” But unless we come to the place of giving up our stubborn will, our own ambitions and our way of doing things, the light of Christ will never shine out from us, the earthen vessels.
A.W. Tozer once said, “God cannot use a man greatly until He has broken him deeply.” I believe this is true. If Jesus had not submitted and listened to the Father concerning Lazarus, the glory and power of God would not have been displayed through his resurrection. If Gideon’s men decided their leader was foolish and therefore did not submit and follow his command, the battle never would have been won, nor the victory given to God. Jesus has set before us His submission as an example that we might do exactly as He has done. First Corinthians 4:2 (TLB) says, “Now the most important thing about a servant is that he does just what his master tells him to.”
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
C2TM6U6X5ZK5
Leap into God's Arms
Do you sometimes long for a stronger faith - one that would help you live a more adventurous, fulfilling life? Do you sense that God wants more for you, but don't feel up to embracing it?
Just as your body becomes stronger through physical exercise, your soul becomes stronger when you exercise your faith. It can be scary to take leaps of faith as you face an unknown future. But there's really no safer place to jump than into the arms of the God who loves you. Here's how you can learn to take leaps of faith:
Don't settle for a marginal existence. Decide that you want what God wants for you - a radical life that transforms you and significantly impacts God's kingdom.
Believe God's promises. Read the Bible to discover all that you are entitled to as a member of God's family, through a saving relationship with Him. Then claim your promised inheritance by believing God will do all He says He will, and living accordingly. Survey the circumstances of your life and open your eyes to the potential for God's work there if you faithfully follow where He leads you. Know that, if God has placed dreams in your heart, He will make them come true. Put your God-given talents to use and do the best work you possibly can in whatever you do. Take time on a regular basis to thank God for all He has done - and will do - for you. Ask Him to develop contentment and peace in you.
Trade the "good life" for real life. Don't strive merely for our world's version of the "good life" - acquiring all the things and relationships you think you need to be happy. Realize that the best the world has to offer can only bring you temporary satisfaction. Instead, live for God, passionately pursuing His purposes above all else. When you do this, you'll experience real fulfillment that will continue into eternity. Ask God to reveal the ultimate mission He wants you to accomplish during your time on Earth. Write your mission statement, and make decisions about how to spend your time, energy, and money according to it. Don't pin your ultimate hopes on any people, things, or circumstances. Realize that God is the only One you can count on - and the only One you really need. Don't be so caught up in the gifts that you miss the Gift-giver.
Look toward your eternal home. Understand that Earth is not your ultimate home; heaven is. Decide to spend your time on Earth growing in all the ways God wants you to prepare for eternity with Him. Be willing to leave things, places, and even people behind so you can follow wherever God leads you. Pursue joy instead of happiness. Happiness is based on your current circumstances, so it comes and goes. But the joy that comes from God is possible to have in the midst of any type of circumstances. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you experience this joy, that's more powerful than transitory happiness.
Go public with your faith. If Jesus has saved you, pass the lifeline along to others by sharing the Gospel message with them. Be alert to opportunities God gives you to do so. Ask the Holy Spirit to cause things that touch God's heart to touch your heart as well so you'll be motivated to reach out to others who need Him. Don't spend all your time with like-minded people. Develop meaningful friendships with non-Christians and model a life of holiness and love for them. Once you get to know them well, share the Gospel with them in natural ways.
Expect God to show up. Know that God is always at work, even when you can't yet see any apparent answers to some of your prayers. Approach every situation expecting God to show up - sometimes in unexpected ways. Trust in the wisdom of the One who made the universe to have perfect timing. Have confidence in His goodness and mercy. Remember that He hears every one of your prayers - even those offered in the midst of stress, doubt, or despair. Understand that God will respond to even a small amount of faith and meet you where you are.
Remember God's work. Keep traditions that remind you of powerful ways God has worked in your life in the past. Celebrate sacraments like communion that remind you of God's powerful work in history. Share family stories with your children so they can learn how God worked in their ancestor's lives.
Leave the right kind of legacy. Don't be nearly as concerned with your reputation, job, or contribution to society as you are about who you are in God’s eyes. Realize that the only that has lasting value is how well you loved God and other people. Take the time to invest in others as much as you can, sharing God's love with them. Pass on encouragement whenever you get the chance. Affirm other people's gifts and capabilities much more than pointing out their shortcomings. Spend your most valuable resource - time - serving others to accomplish things of eternal value in God's kingdom on Earth. Make reading, studying, and meditating on God's word a top priority. Then teach others how to discover the riches in the Bible themselves. Pass on the wisdom you've learned from your life experiences. Open your home to friends and family members regularly to talk about how God is working in your lives. Take as many leaps of faith as you can before God calls you take the final leap of faith from Earth to heaven.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
Just as your body becomes stronger through physical exercise, your soul becomes stronger when you exercise your faith. It can be scary to take leaps of faith as you face an unknown future. But there's really no safer place to jump than into the arms of the God who loves you. Here's how you can learn to take leaps of faith:
Don't settle for a marginal existence. Decide that you want what God wants for you - a radical life that transforms you and significantly impacts God's kingdom.
Believe God's promises. Read the Bible to discover all that you are entitled to as a member of God's family, through a saving relationship with Him. Then claim your promised inheritance by believing God will do all He says He will, and living accordingly. Survey the circumstances of your life and open your eyes to the potential for God's work there if you faithfully follow where He leads you. Know that, if God has placed dreams in your heart, He will make them come true. Put your God-given talents to use and do the best work you possibly can in whatever you do. Take time on a regular basis to thank God for all He has done - and will do - for you. Ask Him to develop contentment and peace in you.
Trade the "good life" for real life. Don't strive merely for our world's version of the "good life" - acquiring all the things and relationships you think you need to be happy. Realize that the best the world has to offer can only bring you temporary satisfaction. Instead, live for God, passionately pursuing His purposes above all else. When you do this, you'll experience real fulfillment that will continue into eternity. Ask God to reveal the ultimate mission He wants you to accomplish during your time on Earth. Write your mission statement, and make decisions about how to spend your time, energy, and money according to it. Don't pin your ultimate hopes on any people, things, or circumstances. Realize that God is the only One you can count on - and the only One you really need. Don't be so caught up in the gifts that you miss the Gift-giver.
Look toward your eternal home. Understand that Earth is not your ultimate home; heaven is. Decide to spend your time on Earth growing in all the ways God wants you to prepare for eternity with Him. Be willing to leave things, places, and even people behind so you can follow wherever God leads you. Pursue joy instead of happiness. Happiness is based on your current circumstances, so it comes and goes. But the joy that comes from God is possible to have in the midst of any type of circumstances. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you experience this joy, that's more powerful than transitory happiness.
Go public with your faith. If Jesus has saved you, pass the lifeline along to others by sharing the Gospel message with them. Be alert to opportunities God gives you to do so. Ask the Holy Spirit to cause things that touch God's heart to touch your heart as well so you'll be motivated to reach out to others who need Him. Don't spend all your time with like-minded people. Develop meaningful friendships with non-Christians and model a life of holiness and love for them. Once you get to know them well, share the Gospel with them in natural ways.
Expect God to show up. Know that God is always at work, even when you can't yet see any apparent answers to some of your prayers. Approach every situation expecting God to show up - sometimes in unexpected ways. Trust in the wisdom of the One who made the universe to have perfect timing. Have confidence in His goodness and mercy. Remember that He hears every one of your prayers - even those offered in the midst of stress, doubt, or despair. Understand that God will respond to even a small amount of faith and meet you where you are.
Remember God's work. Keep traditions that remind you of powerful ways God has worked in your life in the past. Celebrate sacraments like communion that remind you of God's powerful work in history. Share family stories with your children so they can learn how God worked in their ancestor's lives.
Leave the right kind of legacy. Don't be nearly as concerned with your reputation, job, or contribution to society as you are about who you are in God’s eyes. Realize that the only that has lasting value is how well you loved God and other people. Take the time to invest in others as much as you can, sharing God's love with them. Pass on encouragement whenever you get the chance. Affirm other people's gifts and capabilities much more than pointing out their shortcomings. Spend your most valuable resource - time - serving others to accomplish things of eternal value in God's kingdom on Earth. Make reading, studying, and meditating on God's word a top priority. Then teach others how to discover the riches in the Bible themselves. Pass on the wisdom you've learned from your life experiences. Open your home to friends and family members regularly to talk about how God is working in your lives. Take as many leaps of faith as you can before God calls you take the final leap of faith from Earth to heaven.
Sincerely,
Mrs. P
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